Author — Afanaskina Olga Vladimirovna, source www.b17.ru
Parents of children of all ages are familiar with whims, and some with tantrums.
We perceive the fact that 3-year-olds are capricious, but when a one-year-old baby is capricious, you can hear such phrases: “yours is fine, but mine just learned to walk, but already shows character.”
In external manifestations, whims in children are similar, and in situations that cause them, too. As a rule, children react violently to the words “no”, “no” or any restrictions on their desires and needs, regardless of age.
But in fact, although outwardly crises proceed in the same way, they are based on completely different reasons, which means that there are different ways to deal with whims at each age. Although, even the reasons are the same — dissatisfaction or blocking of the needs of the child, but the needs of children are different, the motives for their whims are different.
Why does a one-year-old child rebel?
He has just begun to walk, and huge possibilities suddenly open up before him: now he can not only look and listen, but he can crawl up and touch, feel, taste, break, tear, i.e. take action!!
This is a very important moment, because at this age the child becomes so absorbed in his new opportunities that the mother gradually fades into the background. Not because the child now considers himself an adult, but because new emotions capture him so much that he physiologically cannot (his nervous system and will have not yet matured) control them.
This is called field behavior, when a child is attracted to everything that gets in his eyes, he is attracted to everything with which any action can be performed. Therefore, with wild delight, he rushes to open cabinets, doors, badly lying newspapers on the table and everything else that is in his reach.
Therefore, for parents of a one-year-old baby, the following rules apply:
— prohibitions should be as few as possible
— prohibitions should be classified into hard and flexible
— it is better not to ban, but to distract
— if you already forbid, then always offer an alternative (this is impossible, but something else is possible)
— distract not with an object, but with an action: if the child was not attracted by a yellow plastic jar instead of a vase that he wanted to grab, show an action that can be performed with this jar (tap on it with a spoon, pour something inside, put a rustling newspaper into it and etc.)
— offer as many alternatives as possible, i.e. everything that a child can tear, crumple, knock, etc.
— do not try to keep the child in one room where there is something that can be broken and trampled on, let there be a stash in every corner that can distract the child if necessary
What happens to a three year old?
On the one hand, he also reacts painfully to any restriction of his action or inaction. But the child protests not because of the action / inaction itself, but because this restriction comes from an adult in order to influence him. Those. a three-year-old child believes that he himself can make decisions: to do or not to do. And with his protests, he only seeks recognition of his rights in the family. And parents always point out what should and should not be done.
In this case, the following rules will apply to parents of a three-year-old:
— let the child have his own space (room, toys, clothes, etc.), which he will manage himself.
— respect his decisions, even if they are wrong: sometimes the method of natural consequences is a better teacher than warnings
— connect the child to the discussion, ask for advice: what to cook for dinner, which way to go, what bag to put things in, etc.
— pretend to be ignorant, let the child teach you how to brush your teeth, how to dress, how to play, etc.
— most importantly, accept the fact that the child really grows up and deserves not only love, but also real respect, because he is already a person
— it is not necessary and useless to influence the child, you need to negotiate with him, i.e. learn to discuss your conflicts and find compromises
— sometimes, when it is possible (if the issue is not acute), it is possible and necessary to make concessions, thus you teach the child by your example to be flexible and not stubborn to the last
Those. if you and your child are going through a crisis of the first year, then remember that there should be more opportunities and alternatives than prohibitions. Because the main driving force behind the development of a one-year-old child is action, action and again action!
If you and your child are going through a crisis of three years, then remember that the child is growing up and your recognition of him as an equal is very important for him, as well as respect, respect and respect again!