Contents
Control in our lives
The desire for control can manifest itself in different ways. The boss monitors the work of subordinates, demanding frequent reports. The parent locates the child using a special application.
There are meticulous patients — turning to a doctor, they collect the opinions of various specialists, ask in detail about the diagnosis, check with the information received from friends, thereby trying to maintain control over what is happening.
When a partner is late at work, we bombard him with messages: “Where are you?”, “When will you be?” This is also a form of reality control, although we do not always pursue the goal of precisely locating a loved one.
A certain degree of control is really necessary in order to navigate what is happening. For example, a manager needs to understand how a project is progressing, and when it comes to our health, it is useful to clarify the details and compare opinions.
However, it happens that the desire to possess the most complete information does not calm, but drives one to a frenzy. No matter how much we know, no matter who we ask, we are still afraid that something will slip out of our attention, and then the irreparable will happen: the doctor will make a mistake with the diagnosis, the child will fall into bad company, the partner will start cheating.
The reason?
At the heart of the desire to control everything is anxiety. It is she who makes us double-check, calculate the risks. Anxiety indicates that we do not feel safe. By trying to foresee everything that can happen to us, we strive to make reality more predictable.
However, it is impossible to insure against everything, which means that anxiety does not subside, and control begins to resemble obsession.
What am I responsible for?
It is important to understand what in our life really depends on us, and what we cannot influence. This does not mean that we should become indifferent to everything that we cannot change. However, the definition of a zone of personal responsibility helps to reduce the degree of tension inside.
Trust or Verify?
The need for control is associated with the ability to trust, and not only in a partner, one’s own children, colleagues, but also in the world as a whole. What remains to be done if it is difficult to trust others? Take on all the worries that you could share with someone else.
There is no magic pill that will help you quickly learn to trust the world more — and absolute trust is also unlikely to bring benefits. However, it is useful to observe in what situations and whom it is easier for us to trust, and when it is more difficult.
Decide to experiment
Try sometimes, albeit slightly, but weaken control. Do not set a goal to abandon it altogether, follow the principle of small steps. It often seems to us that it is worth relaxing and the world will collapse, but in reality it is not so.
Track your feelings: how do you feel at this moment? Most likely, your condition will have many shades. What did you experience? Tension, surprise, or maybe calm and peace?
From tension to relaxation
Trying to overly control reality, we experience not only mental stress, but also physical. Exhausted by anxiety, our body also reacts to what is happening — it is in constant readiness for danger. Therefore, it is very important to take care of quality rest.
It is helpful to practice various relaxation techniques, such as Jacobson’s neuromuscular relaxation. This technique is based on the alternation of tension and relaxation of various muscle groups. First, tense a certain muscle group for 5 seconds, and then relax, paying special attention to the sensations in the body.
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No matter how hard we try to control reality, there is always a place for accidents in the world. This news may upset you, but it also has a positive side: in addition to unpleasant surprises, joyful surprises also happen. We never know what is around the corner, but our lives will definitely change whether we like it or not.