How useful is anger?

Anger and strength come from the same source, whose name is energy. But if we love the strength in ourselves, then from childhood we are taught not to love anger. It seems to lead to conflicts and quarrels. The expression of anger can indeed be destructive. But between mindless rage and complete silence, there are many opportunities for expressing anger.

Feeling angry and being angry are not the same thing. Children are told: «You can get angry, but not fight,» sharing their feelings and actions.

“You can be angry” — I often have to remind myself of this phrase, like all people who grew up in a society with a ban on aggression.

Feeling angry is useful, if only to know what is happening in reality. Imagine that you have lost pain sensitivity. Passing a hot stove, you will get a bigger burn, you will not be able to heal and learn to bypass the stove.

Also, without feeling angry, you will not evaluate the situation of violence as violence, you will not get out of it in time and you will not be able to provide yourself with first psychological help after what happened.

On the contrary, a person, united with his anger, distinguishes situations of violence due to the fact that in them he clearly feels his anger. He doesn’t give up his anger for the sake of a relationship or a «good self image.»

In the burn example, the connection between the pain receptors and the brain that processes the signal from the receptors is lost. A person who was forbidden to show his anger and was raped at the same time (jerks, slaps, beatings, blackmail, threats) takes a long time to reconnecting the connection between feeling angry and accepting that feeling. “I no longer refuse to feel my anger” is a decision that can be made along the way.

If anger is «off», we are disoriented in what is happening to us, both within ourselves and in contact with another person. “Maybe I thought why I would say something to the interlocutor?” — such a doubt will arise if I am not sure that it is anger that I feel. The place of unconscious anger is occupied by a feeling of vague anxiety, anxiety, the situation is perceived as unpleasant, you want to run away from it. At the same time, it is not entirely clear what to do, because anger is also not fully realized.

The first step to reunite with your aggression, and therefore strength, is to notice your anger: how, when, in what situations it manifests itself. Being able to feel your anger as soon as it arises seems like a big step towards meeting your lost power. Feel the anger and keep feeling it.

By getting used to not feeling angry, we seem to cut off more than just anger: we lose a huge part of ourselves. Without much of our energy, we may lack the strength to do the simplest things.

Let’s look at five reasons why it’s «good» to feel angry.

1. Anger helps you deal with feelings of powerlessness.

The phrases that we say to ourselves, necessary at any age: “I can”, “I myself”, “I will do it” are manifestations of our strength. The feeling that I am coping with life, with affairs, I am not afraid to speak and act, allows me to experience self-esteem, rely on myself, feel my power.

2. Anger is a guideline for understanding that we do not like what is happening

Even if we have not yet had time to understand with our minds that the situation has changed, our irritation has already said: “Something is wrong, it does not suit me.” We get the opportunity to change the state of affairs that threatens our well-being.

3. Anger is the fuel for the implementation of affairs

Do you remember the cases when a fighting spirit, a challenge or a channeled aggression helped to achieve favorable results? For example, getting angry at someone, you did the cleaning in the same breath.

If you look at anger more broadly, it becomes a magical power that allows you to turn thoughts into actions, and ideas into products. Anger helps not to dream, but to embody. Take the risk of starting a new one, continuing and finishing what you started. Overcome obstacles. All this is done by our energy, which sometimes began precisely with a feeling of anger. Taken from competition, feelings of envy or protest.

4. Anger shows us how we are different from others.

Anger is the energy of separation. It allows us to question our labels and seek our own opinions. When learning something new, we may feel annoyed: “No, this doesn’t suit me.” At this moment, there is an opportunity to find out your truth, to develop your beliefs, starting from “the opposite”.

It is anger that gives us that strength, without which it is impossible to turn away from semolina at one year and leave our parents at twenty. The energy of separation (anger) allows you to calmly look at the difference between your own and other people’s positions. Another can be different, and I can be myself. And this does not mean that anger and relationships are incompatible. I can be angry, the other can be angry with me, we express our anger, it does not accumulate and does not detonate. This helps us to continue the relationship in an honest, equal manner, as it is, with all the joys and all the annoyances that are in any relationship.

5. Anger allows you to take a stand and fight back.

The ability to protect your interests is a direct gift of anger. Anger allows us to prevent incorrect, unsuitable for us to address ourselves, regardless of the degree of relationship with the aggressor and the circumstances of life. It gives you the right to protect your body and spirit, the ability to clarify, stand your ground, demand, fight back.

To sum up, suppressing anger in ourselves is a path to depression, as we deprive ourselves of energy. Anger is good to feel and be aware of, no matter how we choose to express it. Understanding what anger is telling us, we understand our inner life more and learn to act in reality.

We can not only look at our anger as a destructive and uncontrollable force, but also take risks and learn to use the energy of anger to manifest, move and express ourselves.