You are set for a long exciting life together with your lover. But they are not completely sure of the seriousness and depth of his attitude towards you. What signs will indicate that the sincere feeling in your companion has not died out? Narrated by writer Wendy Patrick.
You have probably played this game at least once: you sit with a friend in a cafe and try to figure out what kind of relationship the couples have at neighboring tables. For example, the two at the window did not even open the menu — they are so in love with each other that they don’t even remember why they came here. Their smartphones are pushed to the side, which allows them to be closer to each other and communicate without any interference. This is probably their first date or the beginning of a romantic relationship…
In sharp contrast to these lucky ones, there is an elderly couple who are located closer to the kitchen (perhaps they are in a hurry and want to get their food faster). They don’t talk to each other and look like they don’t know each other even though they’re sitting next to each other. It can be assumed that they have been married for a long time, both are hard of hearing and are comfortable in silence (the most generous explanation!). Or they are going through a difficult period in a relationship right now. By the way, they also may not have phones on the table, but for a different reason: they no longer wait for calls and messages at work, and rare friends are in no hurry to remind themselves.
However, this particular older couple may be of more interest to you, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. You can lean in and whisper to your companion, «Let’s make sure this never happens to us.» But how do you know if you are moving in the right direction? Here are some tips that will help you determine how sincere and deep your partner’s feelings are.
Genuine and undying interest
Whether you’ve been together for two months or two years, your partner is genuinely interested in what you think, want to say, or are about to do. It really matters to him what you dream and hope for, moreover, he will make efforts to make your aspirations come true.
Research by Sandra Langeslag and her colleagues shows that people who are passionate about you are interested in any information related to your life, even the most trivial details. Having learned this information, they remember everything. She explains that the excitement that accompanies romantic love has a significant impact on cognitive processes.
Although the study participants were in love for a relatively short period of time, the authors suggest that such memory and attentional tenacity may not only occur in the early, romantic phase. Sandra Langeslag and her colleagues believe that those partners who have been married for many years and have a deep affection for each other also show attention to information related to their loved one, only the mechanism is already different there.
Attentive partners show their commitment by showing genuine concern for your life outside of the home.
Since in a long-term relationship it is no longer excitement that comes to the fore, but a feeling of affection and joint experience, it is this accumulated experience that plays an important role in the interest in information about a spouse.
Another question is how the partners dispose of this information received. This shows their true relationship to each other. A loving person is interested in making you happy. He actively uses information about you (what you like, from hobbies to music to favorite foods) in order to please you and have fun with you.
Attentive partners in a long-term relationship show commitment by being genuinely involved in your life outside of the home. They want to know how the difficult conversation with the boss went this week, or if you enjoyed the session with the new coach. They ask about friends and colleagues they know by name because they are interested in you and your life.
Confessions of Love
A partner who regularly repeats how lucky he was to meet you and live with you, most likely, this is how he feels. This compliment is always relevant, it indicates that he is still in love with you. Please note that this recognition is not related to how you look, what talents you are endowed with, whether everything is falling out of your hands today or not. This is about you as a person — and this is the best compliment of all.
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Given all of the above signs, it is quite easy to understand that a partner still adores you. But long stories of love, admiration and devotion are rarely accidental. Most often, they reflect the conscious efforts of both partners to maintain a healthy relationship. And the biggest role in this careful care of your union is played by interest, attention, approval and respect for each other.
About the Author: Wendy Patrick is the author of Red Flags: How to Recognize Fake Friends, Saboteurs, and Ruthless People.