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It is easy to make friends in youth — we are all in similar conditions, with the same desires and problems. But over time, their priorities appear, and often the paths diverge. Journalist Miriam Kirmeyer insists: different interests are not a reason to leave former girlfriends. She offers seven tips to help keep friendships together.
Adult life is full of changes: moving, studying, career, marriage, having children. We have less and less time for friends, other relationships draw attention to ourselves. And it seems that now there is little in common with childhood friends.
It’s not easy to stay in the same relationship when you have different life situations, but this does not mean that the old friendship is over. If you and your friends are “on different planets”, pay attention to the following tips.
1. Remember why you got close
Memories of how friendship was born is the best way to prolong it. Talk about the adventures you have experienced, remember only the jokes you understand. If you are far away now and cannot see each other as often as before, this will bring you closer. Take time to reminisce and laugh at old stories.
2. Create new memories
It is pleasant to remember the past, but friendship will wither without new events and impressions. Try to do something together that you haven’t done before. Have a great time and at the same time find out what’s new in the life of a friend. Now spontaneity does not come with the same ease as in youth, so schedule meetings so that they are not superimposed with other business and obligations.
Joint activities help strengthen friendships, but this is not enough. It is important to arrange heart-to-heart conversations — they bring people together. Social networks help to keep in touch, but we rarely communicate live. And no online correspondence will replace a real heart-to-heart conversation.
It doesn’t matter if you meet in person or on the phone, talk about what’s going on in your life, what worries you. Be open and sincere. Talk about your problems, share successes and hopes for the future. Be real — this will help you and your friend understand each other better.
3. Recognize limits
Lack of time for communication is not the only problem. Friendship has many obstacles when you do not match in life stages. One friend is busy with children, the other goes on business trips. The material condition can also be different, this imposes restrictions on joint leisure.
Be realistic and don’t expect the impossible from your friends and dates. Then it will be easier to find compromises — for example, to choose a less expensive type of leisure. Being aware of your limitations will help you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts: you turn down an invitation to dinner because your finances are tight, and your friend thinks you don’t want to see her. Your initiative will also be useful — offer ideas for meetings, but try to take into account the circumstances of your friends. They will appreciate your attention and care.
4. Get ready for surprises
We tend to think for others. We allegedly know how a friend will react to a particular situation. But our assumptions are often wrong. Speculation interferes with solving problems and alienates.
Let’s say a friend constantly talks about children, but you are not interested in talking about diapers and queues for kindergarten. You are worried — a friend will be upset if the conversation is moved to another topic. May be. But the opposite is also possible — she will be happy to discuss your recent vacation and forget about household chores for a minute. So do not try to decide for your friends, check your assumptions.
5. Avoid Competition
From time to time we compare ourselves with our friends. But when we have different lives, it is difficult to understand who has gone ahead. If you have different life priorities, there will be an area where you will fall behind. Envy is an unpleasant feeling, but it is a normal reaction.
However, constant «competition» is not good for friendship and devalues your achievements. Do not focus on what you are behind your friends in, and do not get carried away with self-criticism. Remember, everyone has ups and downs and you don’t know what the other person is going through.
6. Change your perspective
Now you are at different stages of life — try to take advantage of this situation. Use the experience of your girlfriends to make decisions in your life. Maybe you want to start living with a man, get married, accept a promotion at work, or have a baby. Look at a friend who already has it. This will help you evaluate future prospects and understand how ready you are for such changes.
7. Get new girlfriends
It makes sense that as our lives change, so do our friends. You try to weave old girlfriends into new life circumstances and keep friendships — that’s wonderful. But why not expand your social circle?
Communicate with people who are closer to you in terms of interests and circumstances: work colleagues, young mothers, unmarried women. With them, you can discuss issues relevant only to your position. This will take the pressure off old girlfriends who are going through other life situations.
It’s not easy to keep a friendship when your lives are different. But that is why friendship, which, thanks to patience and mutual understanding, lasts for many years, is especially valuable.