Spring has finally arrived: it’s time to take off your down jackets. But the charms of the warm season are overshadowed by the increased attention of men who pester girls and women right on the street. Why do they do it and how can we resist such behavior?
If you are a woman, then you have probably at least once seen or experienced such a phenomenon as “catcalling”: this is when men, being in a public place, whistle after women and release mocking, often with sexual or threatening overtones, comments in their adress. The word comes from the English catcall — «to boo». In some countries, such actions can be fined. So, in France, «street molesters» risk paying from 90 to 750 euros for their behavior.
The reaction to catcalling is different: it depends on the circumstances, and the person himself. Some girls get a kind of pleasure, receiving such signs of attention. “I’m good. They noticed me, they think. But most often, such “compliments” frighten, annoy and make us feel like we are in a slave market, since we can be discussed and evaluated, as they do with things. Psychological trauma can also result from such harassment.
How does it happen
“Late in the evening, my girlfriend and I returned home — we had a drink and decided to take a walk around our native area. A car pulls up with two or three guys. They roll down the window and start yelling, “Beauties, come with us. Girls, it will be more fun with us, we will add to you! Let’s go, the machine is new, you will like it. We walked in silence all the way to the house, trying to ignore these comments, it was scary and not at all pleasant.
***
“I was 13 and looked older than my age. She cut off her jeans herself, turning them into super-short shorts, put them on and went for a walk alone. When I was walking along the boulevard, some men — there were five of them, maybe — began to whistle and shout to me: “Come here … Your butt is naked.” I got scared and quickly returned home. It was very embarrassing, I still remember.
***
“I was then 15 years old, it was autumn. I put on my mother’s long elegant coat, boots — in general, nothing provocative — and in this outfit I went to my girlfriend. When I left the house, a man in a black Mercedes followed me. He whistled, called me, and even offered gifts. I was embarrassed and scared, but at the same time a little pleased. As a result, I lied that I was married and went into my friend’s entrance.
***
“A friend came to me from Israel, accustomed to wearing bright makeup and wearing corsets with tight leggings. In this image, she went with me to the cinema. We had to go down to the subway, and at the underpass some guy whistled at her and began to let out greasy compliments. He stopped and turned to follow us. Girlfriend, without thinking twice, returned and gave him a fist in the nose. And then she explained that in her homeland it is not customary to behave this way with a woman — and she does not forgive anyone for such behavior.
***
“I am running. Once I was running in the country, and a car stopped nearby. The man asked if I needed a ride, although it was obvious that I did not need it. I ran on, the car followed. The man spoke through the open window: “Come on. Sit down with me, beautiful. Then: «What are your panties sexy.» And then the unprintable words went on. I had to quickly turn around and run home.”
***
“Returning home late at night, I passed by a bench where a group of people were drinking. One of those sitting on the bench got up and followed. He whistled at me, called me names, called me names and made comments: “You are so sweet.” I was very scared.»
***
“The time was about 22:40, it was dark. I was returning home from the institute. A man in his XNUMXs approached me on the street, drunk, barely standing on his feet. I tried to ignore him, though I tensed up, but he followed me. He began to call home, joke, somehow strangely lisp, tried to hug me. I politely refused, but it was as if I was completely frozen from fear. There was nowhere to run away, there were no people around — the area was quiet. As a result, I ran into my porch together with some grandmother, shouting: “Girl, where are you, let’s come to visit me.” I was shaking for a long time.
***
“I was sitting on a park bench with my legs crossed and poking at my phone. A man comes up, touches my knee, I raise my head. Then he says: “Well, why are you sitting in a brothel?” I am silent. And he continues: “The legs were entwined so enticingly, don’t do it like that …”
***
“I went to the store in a tight T-shirt. On the way, a man followed me. All the way he told me: “Girl, why are you flaunting everything, I already see that everything is very beautiful.” I had a hard time letting go of him.»
Why they do it and how to react
Why do men allow themselves to do this? The reasons can be different, from boredom to the desire to show aggression towards women in a supposedly more acceptable way. But one thing can be said for sure: the one who whistles after a woman or tries to call her with the words “kiss-kiss-kiss” obviously does not really understand and why they should be respected. And in this case, it doesn’t matter if he knows that strangers passing by on their own business do not like such attention.
Yes, the responsibility for what is happening lies with the one who allows himself to molest unfamiliar women. But people are unpredictable, and we do not know what kind of person: perhaps he is simply dangerous or even has been convicted of crimes of violence. Therefore, our main task is to maintain our own health and get out of contact as soon as possible.
What not to do? Try to avoid open aggression. Remember that aggression is «contagious» and can be experienced quickly by someone who is already violating societal norms. In addition, the «catcaller» may well suffer from low self-esteem, and your harsh answer will easily remind him of some negative experience from the past. This is how you provoke conflict and put yourself in danger.
If the situation is alarming:
- Try to increase the distance with the person, but without too much haste. See who you can turn to for help if needed.
- If there are people nearby, loudly ask the «catcaller» to repeat his compliment. He probably doesn’t want to be seen.
- Sometimes it’s better to ignore the attention.
- You can pretend to have a phone conversation with your partner who seems to be coming towards you. For example: “Where are you? I’m already there. Come forward, I’ll see you in a couple of minutes.»
- If you are sure that a person will not harm you, you can mirror his behavior: whistle in response, say “kit-kit-kit”. Catcallers are often unprepared for the fact that the victim can seize the initiative. They may be turned on by the embarrassment and discouragement of a woman, but they definitely do not like it if she suddenly takes on an active role.
Most importantly, remember your own safety. And that you don’t owe anything to a stranger that you most likely don’t even like.