Do your friends drink alcohol? Don’t Tell Them These 7 Phrases

Your friend has his own reasons for not drinking alcohol. For example, he is on a diet, drinking antibiotics or being treated for addiction. Of course, this is not a reason to stop talking. But do not lead him astray and argue about this. Just don’t say those phrases when you meet him.

We finally met with friends and are already pouring drinks into glasses. And suddenly someone from the company refuses to drink. As a rule, in such a situation, it seems to us that something went wrong. Most often, we are surprised and bombard the teetotaler with questions. Some may even feel offended. Why?

The traditions in which we grew up create stable stereotypes. As a rule, we have a program: at corporate parties, parties and family holidays, adults drink. We toast, we clink glasses, we all get drunk together — each in his own degree. Refusal to drink is usually perceived as a violation of tradition.

People are more tolerant of those who do not drink for visible or publicized reasons. Those who are driving, pregnant women, alcohol addicts «in the eyeballs.» But if a loved one does not share with us the reasons why he refuses alcohol, we do not always show understanding. Although, in fact, this is his own business and his own choice.

It remains for us to respect his decision and show delicacy. After all, our task is not to convince him, but to have a good time. Mentally, without unnecessary stress. What phrases are better not to address a teetotaler at a party?

1. «Why don’t you drink?»

There is no need to demand an explanation of the reasons for giving up alcohol, and even more so to speculate: “Are you pregnant by any chance?”, “Have you been prescribed antidepressants?” If a friend wants to share, then he will do it. Otherwise, you violate its boundaries. “If someone refuses to drink, try not to dwell on this decision and not ask a second or third time,” notes psychologist Hanna Wertz.

2. “Would you like to drink at least a little, one glass?”

Prodding on “just a glass”, “only one shot” and “a small cocktail” cannot be considered a sign of a good relationship with a person. On the contrary, it is pressure and coercion. So you, firstly, demonstrate inattention and disrespect for the decision of the interlocutor, and secondly, you can become the culprit of his problems. After all, you do not know for what reason he refused alcohol.

3. «But if you don’t drink, we can’t really party!»

No need to try to guess in advance how your friend will fit into the usual format of celebrations and parties. It is important that a non-drinker be comfortable in an environment where others drink alcohol. This does not mean that you need to decide for him how he will feel better and stop inviting him to parties.

“Let him know what’s going to happen so he can prepare his coping skills,” advises alcoholism and substance abuse counselor Rachel Schwartz. — Anyone who is being treated for addiction is always afraid that his relationship with friends will change. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s been expelled from his old life.»

Try to create a friendly atmosphere and calmly accept someone’s decision not to drink. And try to convince the rest of the company that this would be the right thing to do. If this does not help, then offer an alternative — for example, spend time one on one, and not with a noisy party of acquaintances.

4. “Do you remember how we used to drink together? It was fun»

Such phrases sound like nostalgia for the old days — but this is not only it. They also put pressure on the sore point of a teetotaler who is worried: “Will we be friends as before if I don’t drink?” It turns out that when you drank, it was fun, but now it’s sad? Such reflections confirm the fears of non-drinkers and make them doubt their decision.

In addition, these words imply that you get pleasure from meeting a friend only due to alcohol, and not because he is a good person. It’s as if his personality has become less interesting now. Find a way to let your friend know that you still appreciate him and what’s between you.

5. “Oh, I didn’t drink for a month either.”

Probably, this fact is voiced for the sake of support and inspiration: “look, I went through this too, everything is fine with me.” It seems to hide the message: «I understand you.» But you can say this only if you know exactly the reason why your interlocutor refused alcohol.

Perhaps you haven’t drank alcohol for a while because you’ve become addicted to fitness and proper nutrition. But such a comparison may seem dismissive and insensitive to a person who is struggling with addiction or does not drink because of a serious illness.

6. “I didn’t know you had a problem with alcohol!”

It seems that such in this expression? There is no condemnation or imposition of alcohol. But it’s not just what you say that matters, but how you do it. Even with the best of intentions, for example, if you want to support a friend in this way, an overly surprised tone can hurt him.

“Try to be kind,” says Rachel Schwartz. “You don’t want the other person to feel like they’re in the spotlight, like a clown in an arena.”

On the other hand, a compliment like “I didn’t know you had a problem with alcohol” adds to the stigma — it’s like you’re making a non-drinking friend a walking model of what society thinks an addict looks like.

7. Silence

After all the points, you involuntarily think: is it possible to say anything at all to non-drinkers? Maybe it’s easier to remain silent and ignore a friend’s lifestyle change? Everything is not so clear. The breakdown of ties — the cessation of communication and joint meetings — hurts no less than awkward statements. There are those who want to be told nothing in response to the phrase: «I don’t drink alcohol.» And others value words of support.

Find out what’s best for your friend. Feel free to ask if you can support him. Refine: “Do you want to talk about it?” In Rachel Schwartz’s opinion, open-ended questions like «How are you?» are best.

After all, in the end, the most important thing for a friend is that you care that you are next to him, even if in a conversation that was accompanied by a couple of liters of beer, your tongue will slur.

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