Experiences can capture all spheres of our life, and we will not even notice it. How to take back control and become the master of the situation again, especially if you have experienced a truly stressful event?
If you’ve recently experienced trauma, are very worried about something, or are simply in constant stress, you probably know the feeling that the world around you does not seem to exist. Perhaps your whole life has now converged at one point, and you no longer see anything but the object of your suffering.
Anxiety and suffering like to «seize territories.» They originate in one area of our lives, and then imperceptibly spread to all the rest.
Trauma or any significant negative event makes us anxious. If we encounter some people or events that remind us of our pain, we worry even more. When we are anxious, we try to avoid encounters that could bring us back, even mentally, to the place where we have suffered. But in general, this strategy is not as good as we think, says physiologist, stress management and burnout specialist Susan Haas.
“If we overprotect our anxious brain, things only get worse,” the expert explains. And if we don’t stop cherishing it too much, our world may shrink to a tiny size.
Stress or comfort?
After parting with a partner, we try not to visit cafes in which we felt good together. We stop listening to bands we once went to concerts together, we stop buying a certain type of cake, or even change the route we used to go together to the subway.
Our logic is simple: we choose between stress and comfort. And in the short term, that’s good. However, if we want to live a fulfilling life, we need determination and purpose. We need to take back our world.
This process will not be easy, but very interesting, Haas is sure. We will have to exercise all our powers of introspection.
Here are some things to keep in mind for anyone who wants to expand their vision and reclaim the territories “captured” by trauma:
- Each time we discover an area of our lives that has been affected and diminished by trauma, we have another opportunity to reclaim a part of our world. When we notice that we listen to music less often or have not been to the theater for a long time, we can admit to ourselves what is happening and start doing something about it: buy tickets to the conservatory, or at least turn on music at breakfast.
- We can take back control of our thoughts. In fact, we control everything much better than we think — at least in our head we are definitely the masters.
- Neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to learn through experience, can be of great help to us. We «teach» our brain to be afraid, to hide, to avoid problems even after the danger has passed. In the same way, we can reprogram our consciousness, create new associative series for it. Going to the bookstore where we used to be together and without which we miss, we can buy a book that we had our eye on for a long time, but did not dare to buy because of the high price. Having bought flowers for ourselves, we will finally look without pain at the vase presented to those who left us.
- Do not run ahead of the locomotive! When we are traumatized or suffering, we tend to wait for the moment when we are finally released and try to bring it closer at any cost. But in this troubling time, it’s best to take small steps—one that won’t make us fall again.
Of course, if anxiety or trauma-related symptoms make your life unrecognizable, you should definitely ask for help. But remember that you yourself need to resist, not to give up. “Most of this work will be done by no one but ourselves,” reminds Susan Haas. “First, we must decide that we have had enough!”
We can indeed reclaim the territory that our experiences have «stole». It is possible that there, beyond the horizon — a new life. And we are its full-fledged owners.
About the author: Susan Haas is a stress management and burnout physiologist.