Why does a child turn from an angel into an unruly imp? What to do when the behavior gets out of control? “He is completely out of hand, does not obey, constantly argues…”, – we say. How to take the situation into your own hands, says Natalia Poletaeva, a psychologist, mother of three children.
Unfortunately, often we, the parents, are to blame for this. It is easier for us to yell at the child, to deprive him of sweets, to punish — anything, but not to understand the situation and understand why our child has changed his behavior. But it is the punishments that further “inflame” the child and lead to difficulties in relations with parents, and sometimes they themselves become the cause of bad behavior. The child thinks: “Why do I get bullied all the time? It annoys me. If they punish me, I will take my revenge.”
Another reason is to attract the attention of parents when the child feels lonely and unnecessary. For example, if parents work all day, and in the evening and on weekends rest, and communication with the child is replaced by TV, gifts or just a reference to fatigue, then the child has no choice but to draw attention to himself with the help of bad behavior.
Not only we, adults, have problems: often the cause of conflict in the family is a conflict or frustration in a child outside the home (someone called in kindergarten, at school received a bad grade, let the team down in a game on the street — the child feels offended, a loser). Not understanding how to fix the situation, he comes home sad and upset, he no longer has the desire to fulfill the requirements of his parents, his duties, and, as a result, the conflict is already brewing in the family.
And finally, bad behavior in a child can be the result of a desire to assert themselves. After all, children so want to feel like “adults” and independent, and we sometimes forbid them so much: “do not touch”, “do not take”, “do not look”! In the end, the child gets tired of these “can not” and ceases to obey.
Once we understand the reason for the bad behavior, we can correct the situation. Before you punish a child, listen to him, try to understand his feelings, find out why he did not act according to the rules. And to do this, talk more often with your child, learn about his friends and business, help in difficult times. It is good if there are daily rituals at home — discussing the events of the past day, reading a book, playing a board game, walking, hugging and kissing good night. All this will help to better know the inner world of the child, give him self-confidence and prevent many problems.
Review the system of family prohibitions, make a list of what a child can and should do, because we all know that the forbidden fruit is sweet, and you, maybe, are too limiting your child? Excessive demands should be motivated by an adult, and this motive should be clear to the child. Create a zone of responsibility for the child, control him, but also trust him, he will feel it and will definitely try to justify your trust!
My little daughter (1 year old) chooses what game we will play, my son (6 years old) he knows that his mother will not collect a sports bag — this is his area of responsibility, and the eldest daughter (9 years old) does her own homework and plans the day. And if someone does not do something, I will not punish them, because they will feel the consequences themselves (if you do not take the sneakers, then the training will fail, if you do not do the lessons — there will be a bad mark).
The child will be successful only when he learns to make decisions independently and understand what is good and what is bad, that any action has a consequence, and how to act so that later there is no shame and shame!