Contents
Insufficient participation of men in the upbringing of children is a problem of modern society. A fairly common situation: the husband is constantly busy at work, and the wife is at home with the children. And then it turns out, as in a joke: «Darling, take your child from kindergarten, he will recognize you himself.» However, in fact, dad can even do more than mom, but he doesn’t know about it.
It is believed that the main and only task of the husband is the material support of the family. But in the pursuit of money, simple but very important things are forgotten. This is not the fault of men, they love their children and want to take care of them. They don’t teach you how to be a parent. And if you help men understand their purpose, then perhaps there will be more friendly families and happy children.
Parents are not born, they are made
Being a father is no less difficult than being a mother. Your desire to become a real dad is important, because children grow up quickly, with or without you. So let’s figure out what is expected from the wife’s husbands, what contribution a father can make to the family. What is a dad for?
Complement and support mom. Women are emotional by nature, they are not to blame for the fact that in difficult situations, feelings take over. This is where dad is needed with his logical thinking and common sense. For example, if the baby is sick, help your wife figure out which doctor to contact, whose advice to listen to — grandmothers or the local pediatrician. Even if you are terribly tired, let your wife talk, do not blame her for fears and doubts. And when you have free time, give her a helping hand, because one solution for two is easier. Sometimes you just need to ask how you can help. Protect your wife from stress, take care of her so that you have more time.
Take an active part. According to experts, we spend only 40 seconds a day communicating with a child. And if dad leaves when the baby is still sleeping and comes when he is already sleeping, then communication can be 40 seconds a week. Of course, you can’t quit your job. But try to devote your free time to your child: talk to him, be aware of his problems and experiences, actively help to solve them. Just 30 minutes of daily communication between dad and child is enough for the baby to feel protected. If the wife did not tell what was interesting during the day, then ask yourself. Show initiative.
Take responsibility. Solve all the problems that arise in the family together. Two people are involved in creating a family, which means that a child needs to be brought up together. The job of a father is to take responsibility for his family. When a woman says that she is having a hard time, this is usually a burden of responsibility, and not household chores. Why should only mothers worry about their children? Common child — common decisions.
By the way, about the sofa. From the fact that dad will come home an hour earlier and settle down near the computer, it will not become easier for anyone. Solving problems at work, solving problems at home — is there not enough strength for everything? But after all, a woman also has to work, and take care of children, and buy food, and cook food, and clean, and constantly bear a huge burden, sometimes double responsibility. Because if something happens, then you worry about the children, and you will also have to make excuses to your husband that you overlooked it! Leaving a woman alone, and then saying — finished, it’s not like a man.
Plan for the future of the family. What to cook for breakfast or what sweater to wear to the baby, the mother herself can decide. But strategic planning is the task of the head of the family. Which kindergarten to give, where to study, whom to treat, how much time the child spends at the computer, how to temper, where to spend the weekend. Strategic planning means making decisions about how to develop and educate a child, what values to instill in him. The task of the father is to make the child happy. Children’s happiness is the ability to learn, think and make decisions on their own. It is the father who can develop these qualities.
To be an example. It is believed that boys copy dad, and girls copy mom, but this is not in all cases. The child looks at both parents and remembers all their behavior. If dad can allow a strong word in front of a child, then no matter how mom explains, it will not work. And you will not accustom a child to cleanliness if the house is a constant mess. Do what you want your child to do. And be sure to agree on important areas of education: to force to eat or not, to allow watching TV after nine in the evening, or to observe the regimen. In a family where mom and dad cannot find a common language, the child will be restless and insecure.
Determine what is good and what is bad. There is an opinion that the task of mom is to love, and dad is to educate. There are many opinions about how to educate correctly. But to explain to the child what is good, what is bad, it is necessary by all means. Often children listen to their father much more attentively than to their mother. Dad’s task is to explain and show by his own example that gooing to mom is bad, but saying thank you after dinner is good. Teach them to keep promises, not to throw tantrums, to respect others, not to betray friends, to be the support of the family, to strive for knowledge, to see money only as a means, and to rank art among eternal values. If this is the norm for you, then your child will grow up as a person. Easy to say, but how to do?
How to teach a man to take an active part in family life
Many wives themselves remove their husbands from participating in raising children: he does not know anything about a baby, he only interferes, it would be better if he earns more money. Men are very susceptible to criticism: if you say it sharply once, it will not work again. Many themselves are afraid to approach the newborn, so as not to harm. And who said that mom knows how to do it right? So it turns out that sometimes it is easier to be busy than to argue with a woman.
Therefore, wives should be allowed to take part in family affairs. You can’t carry everything on your shoulders. Yes, and a man wants to contribute, but does not know how. Help him. A husband, like a child, needs to be praised, encouraged, said that you cannot solve this important problem without him. A man needs to feel his indispensability. Allow him to participate, guide him.
Take note of the following recommendations:
- Send your husband for a walk with the child on the weekend.
- Tell what happened at home in his absence.
- Ask to sit with a baby — he will understand how difficult it is.
- Often ask for advice on what to do in a given situation.
- Send the child to solve problems with dad.
- Tell us what kind of help you need at the moment.
Not all men are actually as responsible as we would like. But they just think that support is only about helping with the housework. And who wants to wash dishes and appease a screaming child. It’s just that they weren’t explained that their wife needs to be reassured with their advice, to help solve a painful issue. Then she will gladly cook dinner for you, and the children will be quiet. A calm mother is a calm baby.
A happy family is a family where a man is a leader. And the wife, for starters, must create this illusion so that the man gets used to his role. And if this becomes true, there will be double happiness.
The family is a ship, at the helm of which the husband should stand and the wife should help him. A family is a team where everyone should do their own thing for the benefit of a common goal.
What are your family’s goals? How do you want to raise your children? What are the main qualities you want to instill in them? What kind of person should your son or daughter grow up to be? What family relationships do you want to have? To define all this and put it into practice is what strategic planning is, the main task of the head of the family.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.