Contents
- 1. Do not forget to say once again that they love each other
- 2. Try to go to bed at the same time
- 3. Turn off phones and other devices
- 4. Take care of healthy and full sleep
- 5. Remember to be grateful
- 6. Do not try to sort things out
- 7. Take time to talk about feelings.
- 8. Children are not allowed in the bedroom.
With the hectic pace of modern life, childcare, unpaid bills, daily stress, it’s no surprise that many couples find it hard to find the time to connect. Therefore, the time when you manage to be alone is valuable. Here’s what psychologists advise to do to maintain emotional closeness with a partner.
A marital bed is a place where you are alone with each other, it should be a place for sleep, sex and conversation. Happy couples make good use of that time, whether it’s an hour a day or 10 minutes. They follow rituals that help maintain intimacy in a relationship.
1. Do not forget to say once again that they love each other
“Despite the worries of the day and everything that annoys you about each other, anxiety about tomorrow, do not forget to remind your partner how much you love him. It is important not to mutter something like “I love you,” but to say it seriously,” recommends psychologist Ryan House.
2. Try to go to bed at the same time
“Often partners do not see each other all day, spend the evening separately and go to bed at different times,” says psychotherapist Kurt Smith. “But happy couples do not miss the opportunity to be together — for example, they brush their teeth together and go to bed. It helps keep the warmth and intimacy in the relationship.”
3. Turn off phones and other devices
“In the modern world, everything is constantly in touch, and this leaves no time for partners to communicate with each other — conversations, tenderness, mental and physical intimacy. When a partner is completely immersed in the phone, it’s as if he is not with you in the room, but somewhere else, says psychotherapist Kari Carroll. — Many couples who come to therapy and realize this problem introduce rules in the family: «phones are switched off after 9 pm» or «no phones in bed.»
So they fight addiction to social networks, which stimulate the production of dopamine (it is responsible for desires and motivation), but suppress oxytocin, which is associated with feelings of emotional closeness and affection.
4. Take care of healthy and full sleep
“Compared to the advice to kiss each other goodnight, make love, or tell your partner you love them, the advice to get a good night’s sleep doesn’t sound quite as romantic,” says psychotherapist Michelle Weiner-Davies, author of Stop the Divorce. “But quality sleep is very important for mental health and well-being, it helps you be more emotionally available the next day. If you have problems with sleep and you can’t solve it yourself, talk to a specialist who can help you develop a healthy regimen.”
5. Remember to be grateful
“The feeling of gratitude has a beneficial effect on mood and attitude, why not show gratitude together? Before going to bed, tell us why you are grateful for the day and each other, Ryan House suggests. — Perhaps these are some qualities of a partner that you especially appreciate, or the joyful events of the past day, or something else. That way you can end the day on a positive note.”
6. Do not try to sort things out
“In happy couples, the partners don’t try to resolve all the differences before going to bed. It’s not a good idea to have serious conversations on topics on which you have disagreements, when both of you are tired and it’s more difficult to restrain emotions, Kurt Smith warns. “Many couples make the mistake of arguing before bed, it’s better to use this time by getting closer rather than moving away from each other.”
7. Take time to talk about feelings.
“Partners regularly discuss everything that causes them stress and give each other the opportunity to talk. This does not mean that the evening should be devoted to discussing troubles, but it is worth taking 15-30 minutes to share experiences and support your partner. So you show that you care about that part of his life that is not directly related to you, advises Kari Carroll. “I teach clients to listen to their partner’s concerns and not try to immediately look for solutions to problems.
In most cases, people are grateful for the opportunity to speak out. Feeling understood and supported gives you strength that helps you better deal with stress the next day.”
8. Children are not allowed in the bedroom.
“The bedroom should be your private territory, accessible only for two. Sometimes children ask to be in their parents’ bed when they are sick or have a nightmare. But in most cases, you should not allow children into your bedroom, insists Michelle Weiner-Davies. “A couple needs personal space and boundaries to stay close.”