What do parents whose children achieve success have in common?

Praise or criticize? Schedule his day by the minute or give him complete freedom? Force to cram exact sciences or develop creative abilities? We are all afraid of missing out on parenting. Recent research by psychologists has revealed a number of common traits in parents whose children have achieved success. What do the parents of future millionaires and presidents do?

1. They ask children to do housework.

“If kids don’t do the dishes, then someone else should do them for them,” says Julie Litcott-Hames, former dean at Stanford University and author of Let Them Go: How to Prepare Children for Adulthood (MYTH, 2017). ).

“When children are released from homework, it means that they do not receive an understanding that this work needs to be done,” she emphasizes. Children who help their parents around the house make for more empathetic and cooperative workers who are able to take on responsibility.

Julie Litcott-Hames believes that the sooner you teach a child to work, the better for him — this will give children an idea that living independently means, first of all, being able to serve yourself and equip your life.

2. They pay attention to children’s social skills

Children with developed «social intelligence» — that is, those who understand the feelings of others well, are able to resolve conflicts and work in a team — usually get a good education and full-time jobs by the age of 25. This is evidenced by a study by the University of Pennsylvania and Duke University, which was conducted for 20 years.

On the contrary, children whose social skills were poorly developed were more likely to be arrested, were prone to drunkenness, and it was more difficult for them to find work.

“One of the main tasks of parents is to instill in their child the skills of competent communication and social behavior,” says study author Christine Schubert. “In families that pay great attention to this issue, children grow up more emotionally stable and more easily survive the crises of growing up.”

3. They set the bar high

Parental expectations are a powerful motivator for children. This is evidenced by the analysis of the survey data, which covered more than six thousand children in the United States. “Parents who predicted a great future for their children made more efforts to ensure that these expectations became a reality,” the authors of the study say.

Perhaps the so-called “Pygmalion effect” also plays a role: the high expectations of parents make children try harder to live up to them.

4. They have a healthy relationship with each other

Children in families where quarrels happen every minute grow up less successful than their peers from families where it is customary to respect and listen to each other. This conclusion was made by psychologists from the University of Illinois (USA).

At the same time, a conflict-free environment turned out to be a more important factor than a full-fledged family: single mothers who raised their children in love and care, children were more likely to succeed.

One study found that when a divorced father sees his children often and maintains a good relationship with their mother, the children do better. But when tension persists in the relationship of parents after a divorce, this negatively affects the child.

5. They lead by example.

Mothers who become pregnant in their teens (before age 18) are more likely to drop out of school and not continue their education.

Psychologist Eric Dubov found that the educational level of parents at the time of the child’s eight years can accurately predict how successful he will be professionally in 40 years.

6. They teach math early

In 2007, a meta-analysis of data from 35 preschoolers in the US, Canada, and the UK showed that those students who were already familiar with mathematics by the time they entered school showed better results in the future.

“Early mastering of counting, basic arithmetic calculations and concepts determines future success not only in the exact sciences, but also in reading,” says Greg Duncan, author of the study. “What this is connected with, it is not yet possible to say for sure.”

7. They build trust with their children.

Sensitivity and the ability to establish emotional contact with a child, especially at an early age, are extremely important for his entire future life. This conclusion was made by psychologists from the University of Minnesota (USA). They found that those who were born into poverty and destitution achieve great academic success if they grew up in an atmosphere of love and warmth.

When parents «respond to a child’s signals promptly and adequately» and ensure that the child is able to safely explore the world, it can even compensate for negative factors such as a dysfunctional environment and a low level of education, said psychologist Lee Raby, one of the authors of the study.

8. They don’t live in constant stress.

“Mothers who have to rush between children and work “infect” children with their anxiety,” says sociologist Kei Nomaguchi. She studied how the time that parents spend with their children affects their well-being and future achievements. It turned out that in this case, not the amount of time, but quality is more important.

Excessive, suffocating care can be just as harmful as neglect, emphasizes Kei Nomaguchi. Parents who seek to protect the child from danger do not allow him to make decisions and acquire his own life experience.

9. They have a “growth mindset”

One sure way to predict whether a child will succeed in life is to look at how they evaluate the causes of success and failure.

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck distinguishes between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. The first is characterized by the belief that the limits of our capabilities are set from the very beginning and we cannot change anything. For the second, that we can achieve more with effort.

If parents tell one child that he has an innate talent, and another that he was «deprived» by nature, this can harm both. The first one will worry all his life because of non-ideal results, fearing to lose his precious gift, and the second one may refuse to work on himself at all, because “you can’t change nature.”