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How to announce your pregnancy?
“Pregnant + 3 weeks”. On the new tests, the word is now displayed in full, as if to give more reality to what until then was only a “maybe”. There are those who patiently counted the cycles, multiplied the temperature curves, and there are those for whom the pregnancy happened “by accident” without really having wanted to. The very beginning of pregnancy has its history. The woman who thinks she is pregnant will perhaps feel, even before the delay of menstruation, changes in her body: a sharper sense of smell, breasts that tight… But despite everything, for the majority of them, it will require confirmation. a test or a medical opinion to be able to really say: “I am pregnant”. “It’s a bit like the announcement of the angel Gabriel”, explains Myriam Szejer *, psychoanalyst and child psychiatrist. «The medical word places the woman in front of the reality of her pregnancy. She can no longer doubt, wonder: the dreamed child becomes concrete. “ The future mother sometimes feels fear at the same time as joy. She sometimes feels guilty about having an ambivalent feeling. For the psychoanalyst, there is a difference between the test carried out in the privacy of the home, and that of the lab: “Since the laboratory is already aware of the pregnancy and confirms it, this test registers the child in society. . On the other hand, when the future mother does it at home, she can decide to keep it a secret. »This necessarily creates vertigo: what to do with this knowledge? Call the future dad right away or tell him much later? Calling her mother or her best friend? Each decides according to its history, its needs at that time.
The man projects himself like a father
It’s not always easy to keep information to yourself for a long time. Emilie, both times, told her husband by phone, after having taken the test in the toilets of his company: “I was in too much of a hurry to wait until the evening. For my second pregnancy, I took the test, still at the office, which turned out negative. I called Paul to let him know, I knew he would be disappointed. He said to me, “It’s okay, anyway, it’s not a good time. “Half an hour later, Émilie calls her husband back because a second pink bar has appeared:” Do you remember when you told me it was not the right time? Well, actually, I’m pregnant! ”
Small packaged slippers, packaged and offered test, a pacifier or a teddy bear placed on the pillow, the announcement to the future dad can be staged. Virginie, for example, handed her very first ultrasound to her sweetheart, at six weeks of amenorrhea: “He took a moment to understand, then he said to me:” You are expecting a baby “and there, the tears him. rose to the eyes. ” When he learns of his partner’s pregnancy, the man can finally project himself as a father. So that the mother, if she felt any signs or had a late period, had time to prepare for it. Thus, some future fathers remain in shock. François did not say a word when he discovered the test. He went to bed immediately after, under the eyes of his worried companion, while he wanted this child as much as she: “The announcement to the father is a real upheaval,” continues Myriam Szejer. “It mobilizes very strong unconscious content. Sometimes it takes a little while for some fathers to hear the news and be able to be happy about it. “
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To tell the family, to each their own!
Each pregnancy is different and will resonate in its own way in families. Yasmine made it big: “I am the oldest of a large family. I asked my family to get together and I made the trip. When everyone was gathered around the table, I announced that we would have one more guest. I came back with my ultrasound in a large setting and announced that they were all going to become uncles and aunts. Everyone started to shout with joy. “Edith also waited for her family to be reunited on her father’s 50th birthday:” When I got to the meal, I told my mother that the postman had made a mistake and had sent me a letter. that was intended for them. I had written a card as if the baby was announcing his arrival: “Hello Grandpa and Grandma, I’m coming in February. “Tears came to her eyes, and my mother exclaimed” It’s not true! “, Then she gave the card to my father, then to my grandmother … Everyone let their joy burst out. , it was very moving. ”
Céline, she decided to pick up her mother as soon as she got off the train: “We announced my first pregnancy to my mother and my sister by going to wait for them at the station with signs, as for taxis when they are waiting for people. , on which we had written “Grandmother Nicole and Tata Mimi”. After the surprise, they quickly saw if my container had already rounded! Laure, for her first child, had chosen the classics “Papy Brossard” and “Café Grand-Mère”, which she sent in parcels to her parents. “It was a joke in the family. We grew up with this coffee ad where the young father announces to his mother that she is going to be a grandmother. I had promised my parents that the day they had their first grandchild, we would send them. “Except that when they received the package, the future grandparents did not understand immediately why their daughter was sending them food! “It was my father who had to explain to my mother why they were receiving this! Laure remembers, laughing. For Myriam Szejer, announcing the pregnancy to her parents is special, because it pushes back the generation of one box, bringing them closer to death : “It can be difficult to live with. Some future grandmothers are afraid of getting old. Other women are sometimes single themselves, or even fertile. They find themselves in competition with their own daughter. “
How to tell the elders?
When there are already older children in the family, they sometimes “feel” that their mother is pregnant, even though she herself does not yet know! This is what happened to Anne, for her second child. “My two and a half year old daughter started to pee in her panties again after having been clean for several months. I immediately made the connection with the fact that I thought I was pregnant. When, with her father, we brought it up with her, she stopped immediately. It was as if it had reassured her that we were talking to her about it. Myriam Szejer confirms that this situation happens frequently: “The smaller the child, the faster he understands what is going on in his mother’s womb. It’s called the pacifier test. A child finds a forgotten pacifier somewhere in the house, puts it in his mouth and refuses to part with it, although he had never wanted one before. Sometimes children hide cushions under their sweater, even though their mother herself has not learned of her pregnancy. “ Should we talk about it so soon to a child who has sensed things? The psychoanalyst explains that everything depends on the child: “It seems to me more respectful to talk about it with him, especially if he shows signs that he has understood. We can then put words to its perception. So, even before he is born, the future baby already has a story, depending on how we have announced his arrival to those around him. Anecdotes that we can tell him later: “You know, when I found out that I was pregnant with you, here’s what I did …” And that your child will never tire of hearing others say. and even !
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