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“I felt like a dad as soon as I had my babies in my arms at the maternity ward”
“My wife and I found out that she was pregnant with two babies in June 2009. It was the first time I had been told that I was going to be a dad! I was stunned and at the same time very happy, even though I knew it meant our life was going to change. I asked myself lots of questions. But we decided to keep the babies with my partner. I said to myself: bingo, it’s going to be great and very complicated too. I tend to deal with things in the moment, when they happen. But there, I told myself that it was going to be twice as much work! The birth was scheduled for January 2010. In the meantime, we decided to change our life, we moved to the south of France. I have done some work in the new house, so that everyone is well settled. We have organized everything to offer a certain quality of life to our children.
A childbirth lengthwise
On D-Day, we arrived at the hospital and had to wait a long time for us to be taken care of. There were nine deliveries at the same time, all quite complicated. My wife’s delivery lasted almost 9 hours, it was super long, she gave birth the last. I mostly remember my back pain and when I saw my babies. I felt like a DAD straight away! I was able to take them in my arms very quickly. My son arrived first. After a skin-to-skin moment with his mom, I had him in my arms. Then, for my daughter, I wore her first, before her mother. She arrived 15 minutes after her brother, she had a little trouble getting out. I felt like I was on a mission at that point, after wearing them in turn. For the next few days, I would go back and forth from the hospital to the house, to finish preparing for everyone’s arrival. When we left the hospital, with my wife, we knew that everything had changed. There were two of us and four of us were leaving.
Back home at 4
The return home was very sporty. We felt alone in the world. I got involved very quickly: at night with babies, shopping, cleaning, meals. My wife was very tired, she needed to recover from her pregnancy and childbirth. She had carried the babies for eight months, so I thought to myself, now it’s up to me to deal with it. I did everything to help her in her daily life with our children. A week later, I had to go back to work. Even though I am lucky enough to have an activity where I only work ten days a month, I have kept babies born and the rhythm at work, non-stop, for many months. We quickly felt the weight of fatigue on our shoulders. The first three months were punctuated by sixteen bottles a day for the twins, the minimum three awakenings per night, and all that, until Eliot is 3 years old. After a while, we had to get organized. Our son cried a lot at night. At first, the little ones were with us in our room for four or five months. We were afraid of MSN, we stayed near them all the time. Then they slept in the same room. But my son did not spend his nights, he cried a lot. So I slept with him for almost the first three months. Our daughter slept alone, carefree. Eliot was reassured to be by my side, we both fell asleep, side by side.
Daily life with the twins
With my wife, we did that for three to four years, we gave our all for our children. Our daily life was essentially centered on living with children. We didn’t have a couple’s vacation during the first few years. The grandparents dared not take the two babies. It is true that at that time, the couple took a back seat. I think you have to be strong before having children, very close and talk to each other a lot, because having twins takes a lot of energy. I also think that children keep the couple quite apart, instead of bringing them closer, I’m sure. So, for the past two years, we’ve been giving each other a week’s vacation, without the twins. We leave them to my parents, on vacation in the countryside, and things are going well. We both leave to meet again. It feels good, because on a daily basis, I am a real daddy hen, very invested in my children, and that always. As soon as I am away, the children look for me. With my wife, we established a certain ritual, particularly in the evening. We take turns spending about 20 minutes with each child. We tell each other about our day, I give them a head to toe massage while they talk to me. We say to each other “I love you very much from the universe”, we kiss and hug each other, I tell a story and we tell each other a secret. My wife does the same on her side. I think it’s important for children. They feel loved and listened to. I often congratulate them, as soon as they progress or achieve something, important or not, for that matter. I have read a few books on child psychology, notably those by Marcel Rufo. I’m trying to understand why they have seizures at such age, and how to react. We talk a lot about their education with my partner. We talk a lot about our children, their reactions, what we give them to eat, organic or not, sweets, what drinks, etc. As a dad, I try to be firm, it’s my role. But after the storm and the whim, I explain my decision to them and how to do it so that they do not start anger again and get scolded. And also, why we can’t do this or that. It is important that they understand the prohibitions. At the same time, I give them a lot of freedom. But hey, I am very far-sighted, I prefer “prevention than cure”. I tell them all the time to be careful not to hurt themselves. We have a swimming pool, so we still watch them a lot. But now that they are grown up, everything is easier. The beat is cooler too! “