Teen steals

Examples from life…

Theft prevention

Here we formulate the most common things that you should think about if you do not want cases of theft or continue to repeat.

• Pay attention to how money is kept in the family — it should not be an easily accessible place. Don’t provoke the child.
• A teenager must understand that there are things that belong personally to each member of the family. That is, it is necessary to establish the boundaries of property: what you can dispose of at your own discretion (gift, exchange), and what not (including things in common use).
• Establish and maintain an arrangement for the issuance of regular pocket money.
• Try to understand and, if possible, meet the reasonable needs of a child or teenager (clothes, equipment, equipment, etc., popular among peers). If you can’t make a purchase now, agree on a more distant future or what you can do yourself: learn to sew, knit, earn some money somewhere to pay for at least part of the purchase.
• Sometimes parents, without realizing it, form in children inadequate attitudes towards theft. For example: “Here is our neighbor: he has been stealing from production for years — and now he lives happily ever after”, “You work honestly, you strain yourself — what’s the point?” etc. I want to believe that this is not about you.

What can and should be done?

​​​​​​​If your child steals, you must stop it — but only if you are absolutely sure of the facts. Nothing hurts more than an unfair accusation. If you are not sure, keep silent, check again. Start a conversation only when there are no doubts and the evidence is obvious.

If theft is the first, if theft has not yet become a tradition, do not call him a thief and do not rush to predict his near criminal future. Saying “I’m ashamed of you”, “None of the parents have to blush like that”, “My son could not do this” and the like — you can, if it sounds honest from you and you don’t say it like that every day … In any case, do not remind the child about what happened if he committed another misconduct that is not related to theft.

Theft of a teenager is a very difficult situation, since there can be many reasons, and not all parents can. Let’s list the main reasons.

— it happens, but not often. In a child no older than six or seven years, this behavior is understandable — the arbitrariness of behavior has not yet been formed, but in a teenager, real impulsivity is observed much less often, and more often against the background of a delay in intellectual and mental development. If a teenager really does not know how to control himself at all, unfortunately, this is for a psychiatrist.

. This is the same impulsiveness, but narrowly focused, only in relation to “steal”. Kleptomania qualifies as a mental illness, while in fact there are very few true kleptomaniacs. American experts claim that among adults there are about 5 percent of kleptomaniac patients, and even then half of them feign this deviation. Even less among children.

If it seems to you that the theft was committed impulsively and, most likely, unintentionally, react immediately, unambiguously negatively, with condemnation of what happened and the return of the stolen. Usually the very procedure of finding out and returning the kidnapped is quite difficult for the child, but beating (physical punishment) is usually useless. What is useful is control, accustoming to discipline and responsibility for one’s actions, it is always worth thinking about the environment of a teenager. The influence of friends is often stronger than the influence of parents, watch this.

. For example, if the family is not up to it, the parents are close to divorce, constantly busy at work, etc. Usually in such cases, the loss of money or things is quickly detected. Often this is followed by a high-profile trial, a scandal. That is, the goal of the «thief» has been achieved — a considerable portion of parental attention has been received. Even such a reaction suits the child more than a lack of warmth or complete detachment.

What to do in such a situation? Pay less attention to the very fact of theft (without ignoring it), much more to restore the lost warm relationship with the child. Even a completely unexpected reaction is possible — to praise for some success or to give a gift to a son or daughter. It is possible that if they do not admit to the theft, then, in any case, they will experience embarrassment and shame.

. He hopes with money either to win the attention of other children (if he is not noticed), or to pay off if he is bullied in the children’s team.

What to do? Solve the issue with peers, if you know how. Help the child establish contacts with the guys, help him find normal friends, peers with similar interests, create conditions for them to communicate at home. If a child is not accepted in the class, or even directly treated, they demand money from him, try contacting a school psychologist or change schools. Cases of extortion from a child or teenager of money, things by peers or older children are not excluded. This is where legal action is needed. The difficulty is that teenagers are afraid to talk about it, and are ready to tell only if they are sure that you can really help. Can you?

. It happens that a teenager wants to prove to himself and everyone, especially his peers, that he is a strong personality and he doesn’t care about anyone: “Look how brave, dexterous I am, I didn’t care about prohibitions.” For a good psychologist, this situation is simple, for an ordinary parent it is difficult. If you don’t know what to do here, look for a good psychologist.

. If you got a teenager and got sick of your control and injustice, he can protest and take revenge on you in this way. What to do? Sit down and talk for a long time. Develop a family code that is fair and everyone follows it.

. This includes a lot: indifference and disrespect for parents, lack of respect for other people and adults in particular. here is the lack of parental authority. The child steals because he needs the money, but he does not care about the rest and the rest. He does not respect people, he does not love his parents. This, unfortunately, happens. In this case, it makes no sense to address the specific problem of theft, because the problem is more general. For now, hide the money so that you do not steal further, and think.

The first question: maybe change the model of education? Theft often begins against the background of the models «Narrow corridor, iron gauntlets», «Minefield in the fog» and «Clear field, dense forest», and the options «Spacious house», especially «Spacious house with a development line» practically exclude theft.

The second question: maybe someone instead of you can influence the child better?

Think about it seriously. When it comes to a son, the simplest and most affordable solution is to send your son to a cadet school. There he will be brought up normally, everything will be done for you. People with money in such cases send their children to study for u.e.zh: the situation there is such that stealing is unrealistic, and the environment is decent. It is clear that this is very expensive. Some parents agree and send their children to Kitezh for the summer — sometimes it helps. If the teenager has a good head, and the theft is rather a strange accident, you can try to bring the teenager to Sinton. An abrupt change of scenery and a new environment of bright and intelligent people can sometimes turn the tide.

If the change of environment did not help, contact the police: write a statement. Important: the appearance of a juvenile inspector in the house must be properly furnished. Let the inspector come by himself, without parents, and tell the child that he saw how he bought something for himself in the store. The child should not know that the policeman came at the request of the parents, otherwise he will perceive this as a betrayal by his relatives. The educational effect of such a visit, as a rule, is impressive. The form has a strong effect on thieves,

The third is a hint called «General Hunger Strike» for simple cases. This hint does not always help, but only where parents and relatives for a teenager are still respected and close people. This happens: yes, he steals, but at the same time he loves his parents, he appreciates grandparents and other relatives. So, for every case of theft, parents and relatives make themselves a day of hunger strike. More precisely — so. It doesn’t matter if the theft is proven or not (teenagers often go unrecognized), but the parents say: “Son (daughter), we have lost money. We can’t say that you stole it, but you should know that because of this, tomorrow we will have a hunger strike day. Everyone who considers himself responsible for the fact of missing money will starve. We are starving as parents, grandparents join us, they are very upset by what happened, we will inform other relatives about what happened, maybe they will also join us. Are you with us? Of course, it would be better if the money is still found, because for grandparents to starve all day is difficult and dangerous to health. It is not obvious that money will be found immediately, but it will be much more difficult for a teenager to steal money next time.

The fourth is the most difficult and tough solution for the most difficult cases: «Isolation». If a teenager is in a tough and open confrontation with everyone, there is no dad, and he doesn’t put a penny on his mother, especially if he takes revenge on his mother for something, then in fact the only option is to radically change his place of residence, go far away so that all previous ties have been broken off by a teenager, and put him before a choice: either run away from your mother to nowhere (probably into open crime), or build relationships with your mother if you want her to at least feed you.

When considering options for a solution, it is always a good idea to consult a psychologist for advice. Consultations of a good psychologist also cost decent money, especially considering that a one-time consultation is unlikely to help here, a lot needs to be changed in the family itself, but it’s not so much about money, but about worrying about how life will turn out for our children.

In any case, it is worth remembering that in normal families, in the vast majority of cases, teenage theft by the age of 20 goes away on its own. This does not mean that nothing needs to be done, but twitching beyond measure is also superfluous. Think more about what your already almost adult child lives, what he aspires to, what is important and dear to him. Think — about the prospects!