In the context of a BDSM sex, pain is the essential tool to achieve pleasure. Bondage, whips and spankings, the means available to partners are numerous. How to practice sadomasochism without risk? Does the sadomasochist need to be in pain to enjoy? Update on this controversial sexual practice.

Sadomasochism does not necessarily refer to a sexual practice. Originally, it relates to the personality of individuals. Sadism consists in enjoying doing harm, on the physical or psychological level: the sadist takes pleasure – sexual or not – in making a third party suffer and in seeing him feel pain. While sadism, masochism consists for its part in loving pain: the masochist seeks to see himself inflicted with physical pain. Sadomasochism is the result of the coming together of a sadistic person and a masochist person, and quite naturally implies a relationship of dominant to dominated.

When sadomasochism is expressed in the context of sexuality, humiliation, domination and submission are used as vectors of physical pleasure: partners reach orgasm by feeling pain. 

Verbal violence and physical abuse

To cause pain, lovers resort to various techniques. The suffering inflicted can be mental or physical: insults and orders are in this context as effective as a spanking or a lash.

Does sadomasochism have to lead to pain?

Long considered an unconventional and perverse sexual practice, sadomasochism initially targets pain. By democratizing, this form of libertine sexuality becomes softer: only the relationship of domination remains as an essential ingredient. If the sadomasochist does not necessarily inflict or feel physical suffering, he submits or is submitted for an unequal balance of power.

Soft BDSM sex, is it possible?

The affirmed sadomasochist practices in a very specific framework: the lovers become the master and the slave, and use accessories which leave no doubt as to their purpose. Handcuffs, swifts, chains, riding crops, masks and objects to be inserted in the holes of the dominated, the context is considered hard. However, other forms of sadomasochism can be experienced in order to vary the pleasures: bondage, practiced gently, can lead to pleasure in a context of submission for example. Likewise, having sex while blindfolded is akin to a sadomasochistic practice in that only one partner leads the dance, but does not necessarily have a deviant connotation. 

As with the fetishist, it is common to wonder about the sexuality of the sadomasochist. Is this tendency a form of experimentation likely to obtain a new form of pleasure or is pain absolutely necessary for the sadomasochist to feel pleasure? In reality, it all depends on the perspective in which the partners who practice sadomasochism find themselves.

Occasionally, soft SM can be a way to spice up one’s sexuality as a couple. When the lovers practice sadomasochism exclusively, on the other hand, it is no longer an erotic game but a mode of expression of the couple’s sexuality. To this extent, some individuals fail to separate sexual pleasure from pain. 

Related to pain, sadomasochism should be handled with care. Too intense pain can be a brake on sexual pleasure, and beyond that, present risks in terms of the health of lovers. To this extent, it is important that the sadomasochistic relationship is strictly framed. Some couples use a particular verbal formula, which once spoken by the dominated lover puts an immediate end to the sexual relationship to avoid unbearable pain.

Note: the consent of the couple’s two partners is an essential prerequisite. Otherwise, sadomasochism is repressed by criminal law.