Responding to stubborn tantrums is like putting out a fire that has already flared up. The art of parents is not to skillfully defeat the child or successfully steer out of a difficult battle, but to ensure that the battle does not arise, so that the child does not form the very habit of hysteria. This is called the prevention of tantrums, the main directions here are as follows.
First, think about the reasons. What is behind today’s hysteria? Only a situational, random reason — or is there something systemic here that will be repeated? You can ignore the situational and random: relax and forget. And if, it seems, we are talking about something that can be repeated, you need to think more seriously. It may be wrong behavior, it may be problematic. Understand.
Secondly, answer yourself the question, have you taught your child to obey you. There are no tantrums in a child whom parents taught to order, which parents obey. Therefore, teach your child to listen and obey you, starting with the simplest and easiest things. Teach your child sequentially, in the direction from easy to difficult. The simplest algorithm is «Seven Steps»:
- Teach your child to do your tasks, starting with what he wants to do himself.
- Teach your child to fulfill your requests, reinforcing it with joy.
- Do your business without reacting to the child — in those cases when you yourself are sure that you are right and you know that everyone will support you.
- Demand a minimum, but when everyone supports you.
- Give assignments with confidence. Let the child do it when it is not difficult for him, or even more so if he wants a little.
- Give difficult and independent tasks.
- To do, and then come and show (or report).
And, of course, your example is important. Teaching a child to order if you yourself have a mess in the room and on the table is a very controversial experiment. Perhaps you do not have enough psychological skill for this. If in your family the Order lives at the level of the Icon, the order is naturally respected by all adults — the child is likely to absorb the habit of order at the level of elementary imitation.