Contents
5 tips to stop burning out
Burnout, whether professional, parental (or both), concerns more and more people. In a world dictated by urgency and performance, mothers are the first to be affected by this invisible and devious evil. Called upon to succeed in their careers and personal lives, to be perfect wives and loving mothers, they are under tremendous pressure on a daily basis. According to a survey carried out by the association “”, in 2014, 63% of working mothers say they are “exhausted”. 79% say they have already given up taking care of themselves on a regular basis due to a lack of time. The magazine Elle noted, for its part, in the large survey “Women in Society” that reconciling professional and private life was “a daily but achievable challenge” for one in two women. To prevent this generalized exhaustion that is looming over us, Marlène Schiappa and Cédric Bruguière have implemented a new method over 21 days *. On this occasion, the author gives us some advice to regain the upper hand and regain all our energy.
1. I assess my level of exhaustion
As soon as you ask yourself the question (am I exhausted?), You have to worry and do everything you can to get back on top. Did you know ? The stage preceding the burn-out is the burn-in. During this phase, you continue to exhaust yourself because you feel like you have a lot of energy. It’s a decoy, in reality, you are slowly consuming yourself. To prevent exhaustion, certain signs should alert you: You are constantly on edge. When you wake up, you feel more exhausted than the day before. You frequently have small memory loss. You sleep badly. You have cravings or on the contrary you lack appetite. You often repeat over and over: “I can’t take it anymore”, “I’m tired”… If you recognize yourself in several of these propositions, then yes, it is time to react. But the good news is, you have all the cards in your hand.
2. I give up being perfect
We can be exhausted because we sleep little, or because we are overwhelmed by work. But on can also be overworked because we want to be perfect in all areas. “It’s not what we do that exhausts us, it’s the way we do it and how we perceive it,” says Marlène Schiappa. In short, it is you who you exhaust yourself or who you allow yourself to exhaust yourself. To try to get out of this downward spiral, we start by lowering our standards. There is nothing more exhausting than chasing unrealistic goals. For example: attending an important meeting at 16:30 p.m. and being at the crèche at 17:45 p.m. to pick up your child, taking a RTT day to go on a school trip in the morning and organizing a tea party with classmates in the afternoon, all knowing full well that you will have to check your emails all day (because you never know what can happen in the office). For any project, it is essential to start by assessing the situation, and the resources available.
3. I stop feeling guilty
When you’re a mom, you feel guilty for a yes or a no. You submitted a case late. You put your daughter in school with a fever. Your kids have been eating pasta for two evenings because you didn’t have time to shop. Guilt is the dark side of the motherhood iceberg. Apparently, everything is going well: you manage your small family and your job with a master hand. But, in reality, you constantly feel like you’re not doing it right, you’re not up to the task, and that feeling is draining you both morally and physically. To successfully get rid of this damn guilt, a real work of analysis is necessary. The goal? Stop raising the bar and be kind to yourself.
4. I delegate
To find a balance at home, adopt the rule “CQFAR” (the one who is right). “This method is based on the principle that we do not have the right to criticize an action that we have not carried out,” explains Marlène Schiappa. Example: Your husband dressed your son in clothes that you hate. He gave the youngest a little pot while your fridge is full of fresh vegetables just waiting to be cooked and mixed. In these situations of everyday life that we know only too well, bypassing the criticisms makes it possible to avoid many irrelevant conflicts. Delegating obviously also works in professional life. But the challenge is to find the right people and to feel ready to finally let go.
5. I’m learning to say NO
In order not to disappoint those around us, we often tend to accept everything. “Yes, I can be reached this weekend”, “Yes, I can return this presentation to you before tonight”, “Yes, I can go find Maxime in judo. ” Being unable to decline an offer puts you in an unpleasant position and helps to exhaust you a little more than you already are. Still, you have the power to make a difference. You can put up barriers and set your own limits. Refusing a new assignment will not make you incompetent. Just as declining a school trip will not turn you into an unworthy mother. To assess your ability to say no, ask yourself the following questions: “Why are you afraid to say no?” “,” Who don’t you dare say no to? “,” Have you ever planned to say no, and finally said yes? “. “It is very important that you become aware of what is at stake for you when you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, insists Marlène Schiappa. It is only after that that you can calmly learn to answer in the negative. The trick: start gradually with open-ended wordings that don’t instantly engage you, like “I need to check my agenda” or “I’ll think about it”.
* “I stop exhausting myself”, by Marlène Schiappa and Cédric Bruguière, published by Eyrolles