Contents
Why was an unmarried woman considered an old maid at 22, and sex before marriage was forbidden? Why did they get married 100 years ago? And how has our attitude towards marriage changed during this time?
Industrialization, women’s emancipation, and the 1917 revolution upended society and destroyed established notions of family and marriage. For more than a hundred years, they have been so transformed that many of the rules look simply wild.
What has changed?
Age
In Russia at the beginning of the 18th century, an imperial decree was in force that established the age of marriage: for men it was 16 years old, for women — 22. But representatives of the lower classes often turned to church authorities with a request to marry their daughters before the legal date. This was usually explained by the fact that a hostess was required in the groom’s house. At the same time, at the age of 23-XNUMX, the girl at that time was already considered “stayed up” and her fate was, to put it mildly, unenviable.
Today, the current Family Code in Russia allows marriage from the age of 18. In exceptional cases, you can sign at 16, or even earlier. As a rule, the basis for this is pregnancy or the birth of a child. However, statistics show that early marriages have become a rarity. The latest Demographic Yearbook of Russia for 2019 confirms that most couples register relationships at the age of 27-29. Many men and women marry for the first time after the age of 35. And the expression «old maid» causes an ironic smile.
Views on relationships
Sex before marriage 100 years ago was considered sinful, the right to have sex was given only by a sacred vow, sealed by the church. The stage of open courtship began only after the official engagement. But even in this case, the bride and groom rarely managed to be alone. Nearby, mother, aunt, sister were certainly spinning — in general, someone third. It was possible to marry and get married only with the consent of the parents: few people dared to go against their father’s will.
Now it is difficult for us to imagine that it is possible to link fate with a person whom we do not really know. But how to meet, talk, walk by the hand, hug and kiss, try to live together, finally? In this case, in most cases, parents are simply put before the fact.
Mutual expectations
In pre-revolutionary Russia, there could be no question of marital equality. A woman was completely dependent on her husband — both materially and socially. She was supposed to manage the household, give birth to children, “how much God will give,” and engage in their upbringing. Only wealthy families could afford a nanny and a governess.
Domestic violence was tacitly encouraged, there was an expression in use: «teach your wife.» And this sinned not only the «dark» poor, but also noble aristocrats. I had to endure, otherwise it was not possible to feed myself and the children. Women’s employment actually did not exist: a servant, a seamstress, a factory worker, a teacher, an actress — that’s the whole choice. In fact, a woman could not be considered independent and, accordingly, demand respect.
Modern marital relations, ideally, are built on mutual trust, a fair division of responsibilities, and a similar worldview. No wonder a husband and wife are often called partners: people expect respect, understanding, support, decency from each other. Not the last role is played by financial well-being, in which both are invested. And if suddenly family life does not add up, this is not a disaster, two accomplished individuals are able to realize themselves outside of marriage.
Why did you get married then?
It was unthinkable otherwise. Religious morality dominated society, exalting the value of marriage. From an early age, children were taught that having a family is the main task of life. Lonely people were looked upon with condemnation. Especially on women — after all, they became a burden for relatives.
A man who was in no hurry to marry was treated more condescendingly: let him, they say, take a walk. But for a girl, marriage was often a matter of survival. The status of the wife not only confirmed her usefulness, but also ensured a more or less tolerable existence.
Of considerable importance was belonging to a certain class. Noble children entered into alliances for the sake of a title, procreation, or to improve their shaky financial situation. In merchant families, the decisive factor was often a mutual commercial benefit: for example, the opportunity to pool capital and expand the business.
Peasants married mainly for economic reasons: the bride’s family got rid of an extra mouth, a woman received a roof over her head and a «piece of bread», a man acquired a free assistant. Of course, love marriages were also made at that time. But more often than not, it remained only a romantic fantasy, which gave way to purely practical interests.
Why get married now?
Some are inclined to believe that the institution of family and marriage has become obsolete and it is time to abolish it as unnecessary. As an argument, a growing number of couples are cited who prefer civil partnerships, guest marriages or open relationships.
In addition, a childfree culture is now developing (a conscious desire not to have children), ideas of tolerance for transgender people, same-sex unions and such non-standard formats as, for example, polyamory (relationships where, with the mutual and voluntary consent of partners, everyone can have love affairs with several people).
And yet, many still espouse traditional monogamous views of family values. Of course, marriages of convenience, unequal and fictitious marriages are still practiced. However, mercantile interests are far from the main reason to get a stamp in your passport.