Lost love: can it be returned?

“Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you” (“Nothing, I’ll find someone like you”). Why is a line from Adele’s song so memorable? Because, probably, all of us at least once in our lives also tried to find a replacement for the great love that we lost. We regret it and believe that everything could have ended differently.

We like to think that life is “linear,” like a good movie script in which all events lead to a beautiful, happy ending. We don’t dare or don’t want to ask ourselves: “What if, in fact, everything is wrong and the best is already behind us?” After all, the answer can be upsetting – we will have to admit that we lost true love at the age of 15, that we quit our dream job a year ago, and have not communicated with our best friends since graduation. It is useless to look for the guilty, and you can’t fix anything by returning to the past in a time machine.

Limiting Comparison

We are all looking for a soul mate, someone who will make us and our lives better, will remain by our side forever. We are influenced by romantic stories, films that often show unrealistic relationships. But we believe that this is actually the case.

Agree, it is difficult to give up the idea that somewhere there is a person who will always understand, to whom nothing needs to be explained. Isn’t it wonderful? In our thoughts, the dream of a soul mate and the memories of lost love merge and cause melancholy and despair. We are sure those feelings were real.

“Lost love” binds us, even if we are free. We could do what we want, love who we want, but something stops us. What? Comparison with a person from the past, whom we really loved (often for the first time), and then lost. It limits the choice of a future partner. After all, we already have a “gold standard”.

We cannot get rid of the feeling of loss and mismatch, the first relationship becomes an important milestone in our life. Psychologist Dan McAdams explains that our first love experiences provide us with natural guidance, determining how we will live our lives. In the future, we align with the experience that we got when we fell in love for the first time.

Time cures

The “what if” thought won’t let us go. It’s hard to shake off the feeling that things could have turned out differently. We are tormented by doubts: “Will I be able to love again? How does the first one live? Does he think of me too? Maybe I should just contact her or him – one short message wouldn’t hurt?

Other people’s mistakes do not teach. But can we fix ours and should we do it? Returning great love is not so easy. Sometimes all that remains for us is to clear the memory and feelings that remained after a great but lost love.

Love is work. And sometimes it has to end. It only takes one thing – time. Let us not be able to change the past, but we are able to look at long-standing events from a different angle.

The one who left will not return. But the memories of him live on in us, making us question new relationships. However, no matter how difficult the situation may seem, we must recognize that the problem is within us. Once Adele said in an interview that she had found love again. She managed to overcome dependence on the past, even though thanks to him she wrote one of her most tragic songs. This means that we can also say goodbye to memories of a great, but lost feeling, stop measuring new acquaintances with old standards and become happy without looking back.