If the relationship has reached an impasse for a long time, but we do not dare to divorce, then sometimes we transfer our desires to the world of dreams. Imagine a life in which you did not meet your spouse. How to face the truth and how can fantasies about living alone be useful?
Even in the closest of relationships, when we find ourselves in a conflict situation, we can rashly decide that living alone would save us from the problems that have arisen. But this is quickly smoothed out by the ability of partners to hear each other and go forward. It is not surprising that with constant misunderstanding on the part of the person who is called to be the closest, we increasingly begin to draw our life without him.
Those who are unhappy in marriage are reluctant to admit even to themselves that they represent catastrophes in which the other half perishes. Such a tragedy leaves them in grief and loneliness, but at the same time removes a painful problem. And these are by no means heartless villains who deliberately wish harm to a loved one, or even more so plot a crime. These are ordinary people, with their own feelings and experiences, just like you and me.
If in fantasies you often draw pictures of your life without a partner, this is a sign that your relationship has become obsolete and, with a high probability, it is impossible to revive it. You want to return to a free life again, but at the same time you are not ready to go through the difficult process of separation. And, stopping the inevitable pain, you construct a story in which you have never met this person.
Unfortunately, there is no magic button that can take you to a new life, bypassing parting and understanding the experience that you received. There is a difficult road ahead, and it must be passed step by step.
Here are three tips to help along the way:
1. In part, fantasizing about being free can be helpful if it lowers your anxiety threshold. Imagine how you will change your life after a divorce, where you will live, what you will do. Perhaps this will be the impetus to start something new: a hobby that you have been putting off for a long time, playing sports, changing your career. The more detailed, filled with positive, supportive plans the picture of the future is, the better. This will help you during the divorce and rehabilitation period.
It is important to understand in advance your rights and obligations, how you can defend your interests
2. Think about why you are running away from the truth and are not ready to consider divorce as a step that will help build a happier and more meaningful life later. Sometimes it can be helpful to visualize your thoughts to sort out fears and prejudices. Try to answer in writing, as honestly as possible to yourself the question — why am I avoiding divorce?
This may be the fear of condemnation from relatives, in whose eyes you break up the family and deprive the children of communication with their father. Or the fear of being alone and never finding another partner again. Fear that your partner will not accept your decision. This can hurt him, which will rebound on you with guilt. Another possible reason: he has resources on his side, thanks to which a partner can take revenge, you are afraid of possible consequences.
3. Try to analyze what specifically worries you. Often this is not easy to do and there is a risk that you will get stuck in walking in circles. In this case, seek the help of a psychologist.
If you understand that your partner is more likely not to meet you, the divorce threatens to turn into a protracted war, and you have children, it is worth arming yourself with legal support. It is important to understand in advance your rights and obligations, how you can defend your interests.
The next time you start fantasizing about divorce again, go back to your notes and you will realize that you can very well deal with the reality that scares you and stops you from taking a decisive step forward.