Why are some people content with middle-level positions, while others certainly achieve career heights? Why do some people go into politics, while others avoid it? What drives those who want to be a big boss?
“Recently I was offered to head the department. I held out for a month, and then I could not stand it — this is such a responsibility, 32-year-old Galina admits. Everyone is waiting for some fateful decision from me. And this whisper behind my back!.. And the attitude towards me on the part of the top management changed — they began to strictly demand the fulfillment of tasks from me. And I realized that this style of communication is completely unacceptable for me. No, I’m not ready to be a leader. I like to enjoy working in the area in which I understand and understand. Where I am, I feel like a professional.”
34-year-old Andrei has a completely different attitude to the proposal to head a department in a large company. “I worked as a middle manager for quite a long time, I understood the mechanism of interaction in the company and felt that I could improve it and raise the level of the unit to a different level. I myself proposed my candidacy to the director. For me, these are ambitious tasks, and I am interested in it.”
Why do we have such different feelings about power and why do we acquire it?
40-year-old Sergey, according to classmates, has changed a lot — he joined a political party and took part in local elections in his city. “In general, we were very surprised: he was always quiet, did not show leadership qualities. And then we find out that he is aiming for deputies. He got a car, a secretary and other attributes of power. Now he communicates with us extremely rarely — what to talk about with an auto mechanic and an IT engineer? — Complains his still recent friend Ilya.
Why do we have such different feelings about power and why do we acquire it?
Compensation and fear of loneliness
“The psychoanalyst, neo-Freudian Karen Horney, in her writings, divided the desire for power into normative and neurotic. With the normative, everything is clear. But she associated the neurotic with weakness, believing that people seek compensation in their desire to dominate, — explains the expressive psychotherapist Marik Khazin. — I have worked a lot with managers of different levels and I can say that they are all driven by different motives. And indeed, there are many who, through a position or status, solve the problem of an inferiority complex — a consequence of physical disabilities, self-hatred, anxiety, illness.
Horney’s story is interesting. She considered herself ugly, even ugly, and decided: since she cannot be beautiful, she will become smart. A person who has made such a decision is forced to constantly be in good shape, hide his helplessness, weakness and inferiority and prove to the world that he is better than he thinks of himself and what the world thinks of him.
Some people seek to compensate for their feelings of inferiority through sexuality, as Alfred Adler wrote about. But not only. Power, according to Adler, is also a way to compensate and consolidate one’s value through it. Full value, in turn, is formed in adolescence.
“He believed that a teenager should rebel, and the task of a parent is to support his protest. In totalitarian societies, in authoritarian families, parents stop the protest, — explains Marik Khazin, — and thereby reinforce his complexes. As a result, «mania of insignificance,» as I call it, is intensified. All dictators, in my opinion, grew up on the yeast of an inferiority complex, as they were forbidden to show and express themselves. The meaning of the teenage rebellion is precisely to protest and declare their independence — «I have the right to live as I want and have my own opinion.» And they say to him: “Don’t yell at dad. You can’t raise your voice at your mother.»
What is behind the weakness? Sometimes — fear of loneliness
And the teenager suppresses his rebellion, and one day, much later, he will break through in a completely unpredictable, sometimes pathological, form. And then the obsessive need to dominate eliminates the ability to talk with others at eye level, says Marik Khazin. It does not allow you to accept another with his different opinions and needs.
What is behind the weakness? Sometimes — the fear of loneliness, as Erich Fromm wrote in his theory of power. “He believed that the desire for power is due to fear and avoidance of loneliness, social isolation,” explains Marik Khazin. — This is an accurate thought: a person is afraid of loneliness. If I’m shy, I’ll be lonely. You have to be a leader, grow your strong side — become a speaker, achieve your goal on stage or in parliament. There is a sadistic motive in this desire to have someone else’s attention. He turns the other into a function, makes him serve his interests and turns on control — one of the most powerful manipulations.
Sometimes the desire for power develops superpowers that allow you to become a leader (as an example, famous political leaders). But the whole question is what these hyper-qualities are used for.
“Instead of looking for success, hanging orders and shoulder straps, achieving new statuses, buying new cars, apartments, you need to be aware that in the end we will be left with nothing,” says Marik Khazin. Jung believed that we become neurotic because we are satisfied with incomplete answers to the questions that life puts to us. We need spirituality, he believed. And I completely agree with him.»
Strength and power are not the same
Let us return to Karen Horney, who believed that the normative desire for power implies awareness and possession of a resource to achieve some goal. The case described by our hero Andrey just illustrates such a conscious attitude to the position as a tool to achieve a new level of personal development and the success of the company as a whole. He, of course, could go along the path of Sergei.
“As Carl Jung said, each of us has a shadow side: anger, envy, hatred, the desire to dominate and control others for the sake of our own self-affirmation,” explains Marik Khazin. “And you can recognize this in yourself and not let the shadows absorb our light.
For example, feminism in its extreme expression is a manifestation of insecurities, a desire to overcome centuries of male dominance. And what else can be expected from charismatic women if men seized power?
And women are forced to break through this powerful block. Although women are much better politicians and leaders. They are more open and willing to share their resources. In the recent elections in Israel, for example, I voted for a woman who was more interesting and stronger than the male candidates. But, alas, she did not pass.
The one who realizes his strength understands that it is necessary to develop
In fact, women already rule the world, it’s just that men don’t know about it. There is a Jewish joke. Rabinovich is carrying his wife and mother-in-law in the car.
Wife:
— Right!
Mother-in-law:
— To the left!
— Faster!
— Slower!
Rabinovich can’t stand it:
“Listen, Tsilya, I don’t understand who is driving the car – you or your mother?”
Erich Fromm differentiated two concepts — power and strength. You can be strong and not seek power. When we feel like ourselves, we don’t need power. Yes, at some point we are pleased with applause and praises, but one day saturation comes. And there appears what Viktor Frankl wrote about — the realization of the meaning of one’s existence. Why am I on this earth? What will I bring to the world? How can I enrich myself spiritually?
Anyone who realizes his strength understands that he needs to develop, improve himself. For example, like Galina. People are drawn to power. “A true leader in his strength must show love and care. But if you listen to the speeches of famous politicians, leaders of countries, you will not hear anything about love, — comments Marik Khazin. “Love is the desire to give. When I can’t give, I start taking. Real leaders who love their employees are ready to give back. And it’s not so much about the material side.”
David Clarence McClelland, an American psychologist, identified three components of a successful business: achievement, power and affiliation (the desire for informal, warm relationships). The most stable and successful are those companies where all three are developed.
“Power is not the management of people. To dominate means to dominate, command, control, — explains Marik Khazin. — I’m for control. Look at the drivers on the road. Drivers in control are pinched, grabbing the steering wheel, leaning forward. A confident driver can drive with one finger, he can let go of the steering wheel, he is not afraid of the road. The same is true in business and family. To be in dialogue, manage, not control, share functions, negotiate. It is much more resourceful to cultivate these qualities in ourselves all our lives, because we are not born with them.”