Searching for a partner through applications seems easy and not burdensome. However, these programs make us tired, lie, and get frustrated. Why it happens?
We love dating apps – and today we are finally not ashamed to admit it! They are becoming more and more convenient and understandable. In addition, by creating a profile on Pure or Tinder, we risk almost nothing, because someone who initially did not like us will not be able to write or call us. In order to communicate with a potential partner, it is necessary that he “swipe to the right”, and we ourselves did it. And in some applications, only a woman has the right to choose.
However, as practice shows (and research by psychologists!), even these convenient programs have disadvantages. It turns out that although they make it easier for us to find a potential partner, falling in love and keeping this feeling, on the contrary, they only interfere. How exactly?
Too many choices
We think that a wide range of potential partners makes it easier for us. And dating apps provide us with a truly huge “range”! However, is it really that useful? Psychologists from the University of Edinburgh have found that the more options we see in front of us, the less satisfied we feel.
Participants in their study were asked to choose attractive counterparts from 6 or 24 proposed candidates. And those who were offered more candidates felt less satisfied than those whose “menu” was much more meager.
But it doesn’t stop there: those who had to explore 24 options before making a choice were more likely to change their mind and choose a different partner over the next week. But those who were given only 6 candidates remained satisfied with their decision during the same week. The researchers found that the more options we have, the less we tend to stop at one.
Physically attractive people are more likely to abandon current relationships and rush to find new ones.
Psychologists are sure that when we need to study a large number of partners offered by the application, our brain gets tired quickly. Because of this, we focus on those factors that could be taken into account quite quickly, without much mental effort. First of all, we are talking about the height, weight and physical attractiveness of the candidates.
When we choose a partner based solely on how good they look, the relationship is more likely to be short-lived and risk disappointing us greatly. In 2017, psychologists at Harvard University found that physically attractive people are more likely to leave current relationships and rush to find new ones.
Idealization of a partner
When we find the time and opportunity to personally communicate with a particular person, we learn a lot about him very quickly. What is his real voice like? How does he smell? What gestures does he use most often? Does he have a pleasant laugh?
Communicating with another user in the application, we have rather scarce information. Usually we have a short questionnaire at our disposal, which indicates the name, geographical location of the “hero of our novel” and, at best, a couple of his favorite quotes.
A living person whom we “blinded from what was” is unlikely to meet our bright expectations
Without seeing a real person, we tend to complement his image with various positive characteristics. For example, we can attribute our own positive traits to him – or even the pleasant qualities of our close friends.
Unfortunately, there is a great risk that a personal meeting will disappoint us. A living person whom we “blinded from what was” is unlikely to meet our bright expectations.
Everyone lies
If we are not sure that it will even come to a meeting, there is a great temptation to embellish information about ourselves. And many application users admit that they really lie about one or another of their parameters. According to researchers, women are more likely to misreport their weight, and men are more likely to misreport their height. Both genders equally often lie about their education, profession, age, and whether they are currently in a relationship.
Of course, in the short term, these lies can make us more attractive in the eyes of potential partners, but in general, lying is not the right foundation for a long-term happy relationship. And honesty and reliability, on the contrary, make our relationship stable and help to remain faithful to each other.
So is it worth starting a relationship with such a risky move? Perhaps the one who agrees to meet with you will not notice the small discrepancies between your words and reality. But if he notices, this is unlikely to help create a warm atmosphere during the first date.