Perhaps you are one of those who put off the purchase of gifts to the last moment, and right now you are painfully thinking about how to please your relatives or friends. Let’s understand this – and at the same time why we give gifts at all, what they mean for those who receive them, how to choose and give them correctly.
It sounds too pragmatic and perhaps even cynical, but from the point of view of evolution, giving has a very practical background: the giver may seek to create a favorable impression of himself, show his financial capabilities, or earn the sympathy of someone he likes. What and how we give is influenced by gender, culture, attitudes towards money and much more. But regardless of external factors, the meaning that we put in a gift, and our attitude towards the person who receives it, is extremely important.
How to give happiness: the psychology of giving
Studies have shown that men are more likely to give gifts with practical overtones: conquer, seduce, demonstrate wealth, achieve something in return. Women, in turn, are well aware that men present rings and flowers for a reason. Men also believe that women pursue the same goals.
The desire to receive something in return is a fairly common reason to give a gift. National traditions play a big role here: for example, people brought up in Eastern culture value connections more and perceive themselves as part of the whole, therefore they take giving back seriously and prefer to receive inexpensive gifts if they are not sure that they can afford to give an expensive gift in answer.
In the West, an individualistic approach is common, so a European or an American gives gifts, focusing on the desires of the person to whom they give, and not on the price, because they do not consider it important to receive an equivalent value in return. The main thing is that the gift gives pleasure to the recipient.
In 1993, Wharton Business School professor Joel Waldfogel asked a question that only an economist can answer: Are Christmas and New Year’s Eve good? The answer could be yes, but only if the price of the gift you give matches the price of the gift you are given. And, of course, when the gift is really useful. But many people know that sometimes gifts, so expensive and seemingly necessary from the point of view of the donor, turn out to be completely unnecessary for us.
Choose gifts that the recipient wants and wrap them so that they are easy to open
Waldfogel defined this difference as “the net cost of Christmas” and insists that it is not economically profitable to give gifts. It is much more practical to give money. Although some experts object that cash in an envelope is not a way out, because sometimes even simple and inexpensive gifts are very expensive for the addressee.
Is thoughtful giving justified? Yes, and moreover – the gift should not be a surprise, and if you want to surprise a friend or wife, think a hundred times, ask, calculate so that the surprise does not turn out to be unpleasant.
Many people believe that gifts that are asked for in advance and those that the recipient does not know anything about for the time being will equally please him. In fact, people are more happy with what they ordered in advance. Moreover, packaging will always help to surprise the addressee – you can put imagination, warmth and time into it. However, it should be borne in mind that, according to research, gifts from friends that were wrapped in some way liked the recipients much more than those that were packed neatly and conscientiously, and all because they were easier to open.
But, on the other hand, when a gift was given by a friend or colleague, I liked the complex, creative, and most importantly, neat packaging more, because it spoke more about a good attitude than about a gift.
What are the best gifts to give to family and friends? If you are an economist, donate money or certificates. For everyone else, the recommendation is simple – choose the gifts that the recipient wants and wrap them so that it is easy to open. And also – put your soul and meaning into them. Then the recipient will definitely be delighted.
5 rules for making a truly valuable gift
We are constantly surrounded by people – online, in the office, on the street and at home – and still alone. The reason is that many of us do not know how to open up, do not know how to establish deep connections with those who are around. Sometimes the most difficult thing for us is to get closer, to open up to those who are closest to everyone – to family members.
However, making friends and getting into relationships is a matter of practice. This can be learned. An absolutely win-win way to deepen acquaintance, strengthen friendship, share innermost and tell about your feelings is to give each other useful gifts with meaning.
The gift itself means nothing. Care, attention, love that are invested in it are important
Now most people are so inundated with things that it is rather difficult to give something really necessary. We buy meaningless souvenirs, because it would be impolite not to give anything. We give gifts because it is necessary, because it is impossible not to give something to the boss or mother-in-law, because we want to get something in return.
But when choosing gifts, you should at least try to give something that will strengthen relationships, warm the hearts of loved ones, and change life for the better. The gift itself means nothing. The care, attention, love that is invested in it are important. A gift is a symbol that contains our message to another. Here are some tips on how to make the gift meaningful.
1. Show that you are really interested in the addressee, his personality
A gift that touches the feelings of another, becomes the fulfillment of a secret desire, emphasizes the personality of a loved one, its significance for you, is truly valuable.
Many have experienced firsthand how compassion, empathy, the ability to understand what we are going through, what we want, feel our pain and joy affects our lives and relationships. How great and even useful to be understood, heard, and also to hear and understand in response.
Now, when we receive praise in the form of impersonal “likes”, friends are more interested in smartphones than in our presence, when the rhythm of life is such that we barely have time to remember who we are and are desperately trying to live up to someone’s hopes and expectations, a gift , which will show that we are valuable in ourselves, that we are loved, that we are noticed, will become a real treasure.
Concentrate on the recipient of the gift – on his behavior, desires, hobbies and habits. Be guided by them when choosing.
The easiest way to give the right gift is to ask what the recipient wants.
Yale University professor and expert in the psychology of judgment and decision Nathan Nowemsky notes that people often try to make an original gift to show themselves from the best side, while the donee will appreciate the usefulness and ease of use more.
Forget about yourself, let the gift be not about you, but about who you are giving it to. How to do it?
To get started, collect information about the person you are preparing a gift for, get to know him better. Take a look, ask questions. Perhaps this alone will make him happier.
You can also write down key words and ideas. As a rule, rereading words written on paper makes it easier for us to make decisions and formulate thoughts.
Well, the easiest way to give the right gift is to ask what the person to whom it is intended wants.
2. Give with all your heart without expecting anything in return.
Followers of a number of religions believe that the basis of happiness is service to others, self-denial. In the case of gifts, this principle works one hundred percent. The greatest joy is to see the joy of another, to anticipate it.
To enjoy giving, make the process of finding, making, buying, and wrapping a gift fun. You can create an exciting atmosphere of expectation, just do not overdo it, otherwise it may diverge from reality, and then the donee will be disappointed. If your gift is a trip or an event, ask the recipient in advance to set aside a day for this adventure.
If you think that you should not take the issue of choosing gifts too seriously, you should understand that a gift is important not only on a particular holiday. In addition, it means as much as a conversation with a friend or a sincere declaration of love. Gifts can change the future of relationships, allow you to make them deeper and stronger, tell about you and your feelings for the person you want to please. A gift is both a symbol and an opportunity, and the strength of its impact depends on the strength of the feeling that you put into it.
3. Show that you are proud, admire what the addressee is really good at
It is important for each of us to be heard and understood. But recognition and praise are also important, it is important when our successes are noticed and celebrated.
If your friend writes stories and is afraid to publish them, publish his book in a small edition or send his poems or novel to publishers. If he takes pictures but doesn’t post pictures anywhere, create social media accounts for him and let everyone see his real talent.
And no matter how humble a person is, he has talents, hobbies and dreams. Perhaps he cooks well, draws, sings karaoke. When you are about to give a gift, think about what trait it will emphasize, what talent it will help to reveal. In what way does the person to whom it is intended consider himself talented?
Let the gift become a symbol of your love and recognition, help your loved one love himself even more.
Give something that will help the recipient do what they love: a laptop to write novels, a subscription to vocal courses to develop their voice, a cookbook to cook even better.
Valuable gifts help growth, not fix flaws. And this means that you should not give toys to children every day to compensate for your absence. Better go to the cinema or an amusement park with them, present a board game that you will play together.
Let the gift become a symbol of your love and recognition, help your loved one love himself (and you) even more.
4. Money, time and energy: choose resources
What makes gifts so cool? All that we invest in them is money, time and effort. However, as a rule, the cost of a gift is the least important, so choose wisely and thoughtfully what exactly you will spend on a gift. Proceed from two necessary criteria: the desires of the one to whom you give, and your relationship with him, as well as your capabilities.
If you do not want or are not able to spend a lot of money, you can invest time or effort, do something with your own hands, sing, write poetry, based on what the addressee would like. If you don’t have the time or money, take charge of preparing the party, give a speech, tell what your loved one is waiting for, listen to them, and just be there.
You don’t even have to wait for the holiday – such gifts can be made every day.
5. Give gifts with meaning
Why has the Statue of Liberty become the most famous gift in history? It’s not about the size, price, complexity of its manufacture and transportation. The main thing is that it has become a symbol of democracy and freedom.
Before giving something, think about what you want to say. Support a loved one, confess your love, thank you, bring beauty into his life, help, apologize? Put a deep meaning into the gift so that it becomes truly memorable.