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After this first meeting begins then the time of “reciprocal taming”, of gradual adjustment. Everyone gets to know each other, what shrinks call “early interaction”: the mother and her newborn “create” each other, adapt to each other through care. , play, breastfeeding or bottle-feeding!) and… everything else! It is a very sweet period, very “cocoon”, even a little withdrawn, but necessary, where each member of the family constitutes his new place by leaving the good part to the newcomer (even if it is not. everyday easy).
An advice : the first six months, take advantage! Refuel your little one, it goes so quickly … Carry it, rock it, smell it, cuddle it, offer it your “raw” love, let your desires speak for themselves. Some mothers give it to their heart’s content, who discover themselves to be hyper mothering, as Juliette from Rennes tells us: “Matthis has completely transformed me! But I had to take it upon myself (and the daddy helped me a lot) to resist the temptation to lock myself into this duo… ”.
Be careful, “being at one” with Baby is by no means an obligation for his well-being! And it can even turn out to be sclerosing afterwards. The main thing: to listen to your little one while remaining yourself. For the balance of each individual and of the family in general, it is also advisable to listen to yourself, so as not to forget yourself …
Protect baby without overprotecting him
Gradually, the little bird grows … and the desire arises to spread its wings to widen its nest a little, its knowledge and thus to explore the outside world. Because that too is part of the little man: here is an explorer born very curious about everything!
Even if Mum and Dad’s arms are (and will remain) always reassuring, Baby is naturally and literally pushed by this surge of life which gives him, like a Christopher Columbus in short pants, the desire to move away a little from the parental “bosom”. In “technical” terms, this gives: getting out of the security perimeter to venture further into what the pros call the “discovery zone”. Carried by his small plump legs and his eager gaze, Baby never ceases to forge ahead and to push his businesses even further.
Yes but here it is, he will only be able to do it if the first zone is largely marked out, in the sense that your child knows thatin case of concern, he can always come back to snuggle up in the safety zone, that is to say… with you! And the more you have made this area a little haven of peace, the more Baby will feel free to leave it. Paradoxical? No, specific to human nature.
Basically, you, his parents, play an essential role in his balance: it is because your child will be sure to never lose your love that he will be able to detach himself all the better from you… A real springboard for the future ! And a sacred responsibility too, we grant you …
Parents: think (also) of you!
Rest assured, everything is generally done very naturally, with of course a few hitches and misfires, which often make it possible to readjust the shot. Without forgetting two conditions without which this process becomes more complicated :
— first, the fact that the mother “allows” her child to detach and therefore to move away from her (yes, for some, it is not necessarily obvious!), essential for the child to gain self-confidence and experiences its own limits. Under your proud, tender and attentive gaze, of course, but by itself. In the park, for example, there is no point hitting him “You’re going to fall!” all the time, at the risk of blocking its initiatives. Rather accompany him by the word giving him solutions if he has difficulties, but without physically intervening.
— Second, dare, you too, to detach yourself from Baby from time to time, and without feeling guilty please! Not only will it allow you to get closer to dad or take time for you but in addition, it will do you a lot of good (if we tell you!). Because this is what Baby needs the most to grow happily: two parents E-PA-NOUIS! In fact, it’s all about the golden mean.
By the way, do you know why hedgehogs live a good distance from each other? Quite simply because, too far away, they would be cold but too close, they would prick themselves. Well, Mom and Baby, it’s a bit the same pretty fable….
Signs of a “secure” attachment
– Baby cries or cries, but calms down very quickly at the sight of his parent and after his intervention;
– He answers with a smile;
– From the first months, he shows a particular interest in his parent: he follows him with his eyes, extends his arms to him, snuggles up against him, likes to play, to interact with him;
– This interest only increases over time until it becomes exclusive at certain precise ages (separation anxiety around 8 months then fear of foreign figures around 15 months);
– Baby wants to stay with you and protests when you walk away;
– He is more and more interested in the external environment and watches your reactions when he goes on “exploration”.