Sometimes it seems that we are required to upgrade ourselves. But if there is a better version of yourself, then everyone else is worse? And then what should we do with ourselves today — throw them away, like old clothes, and urgently “correct”?
With the light hand of the publishers of the book by Dan Waldschmidt, called in the Russian translation «Be the best version of yourself», this formula has firmly entered our consciousness. In the original, the name is different: Edgy conversations, where “edge” is the edge, the limit, and the book itself is a conversation (conversations) with the reader about how to live at the limit of possibilities and cope with limiting beliefs.
But the slogan has already taken root in the language and lives an independent life, dictating to us how to treat ourselves. After all, stable turns are not harmless: the words and expressions that we often use affect consciousness, the internal picture of ideas about ourselves and, as a result, our relationships with ourselves and with others.
It is clear that the catchy Russian name was invented to increase sales, but now it no longer matters: it has become a motto that encourages us to treat ourselves as an object.
Since it is logical to assume that once someday, with effort, I will become the “best version of myself”, then who I am at the moment, including all my life, is a “version” that does not live up to the best. And what do unsuccessful versions deserve? Recycling and disposal. Then it remains only to begin to get rid of the “superfluous” or “imperfect” — from flaws in appearance, from signs of age, from beliefs, from trust in body signals and feelings.
There is a pedagogical idea that you need to demand a lot from a child and praise him a little.
But even so, many people turn away from their own values. And when determining where to move and what to achieve, they look not inward, but outward, at external landmarks. At the same time, they look at themselves through the eyes of critical and authoritarian figures from childhood.
There is a pedagogical idea that a lot should be demanded of a child and little praise should be given. Once it was very popular, and even now it has not completely lost ground. “My friend’s son is already solving problems for high school!”, “You’re already big, you should be able to peel potatoes correctly!”, “And I’m your age ..”
If in childhood others gave inadequate assessments of our appearance, achievements, abilities, the focus of our attention shifted outwards. Therefore, many adults continue to focus on the values dictated by fashion, broadcast by the media. And this applies not only to clothes and jewelry, but also to beliefs: who to work with, where to relax … by and large, how to live.
None of us is a sketch, not a draft. We already exist in the fullness of our being.
It turns out a paradox: you live on the edge of your capabilities, give all your best, but there is no joy from this. I notice from clients: they devalue their achievements. They cope, create something, overcome difficulties, and I see how much strength, stability, creativity there is in this. But it is difficult for them to appropriate their own victories, to say: yes, I did it, I have something to respect. And it turns out that existence itself turns into a process of overcoming: a person strives beyond the bounds of the possible — but is not present in his own life.
Maybe you don’t need to become the best version of yourself? None of us is a sketch, not a draft. We already exist in the fullness of our being: we breathe and think, we laugh, we grieve, we talk with others, we perceive the environment. We can develop and achieve more. But not required. Surely there is someone who earns more or travels, dances better, dives deeper. But there is definitely no one who could live our life better than us.