Contents
- 1. You are emotionally available and do not hide in a hole
- 2. You understand yourself
- 3. You have a rich emotional range.
- 4. You are able to look at the situation through the eyes of another
- 5. Fighting doesn’t destroy you and your relationship.
- 6. You are consistent in your reactions.
- 7. You yourself believe that you are a good person and partner.
Being the perfect partner is not easy. But this is not required! We are all imperfect, and the task is rather to grow and “pump” your emotional intelligence: the ability to communicate, build relationships and resolve emerging conflicts. Here’s some proof that you’re good at it.
Many couples talk to couples at their therapist’s office about how tired they are of endless conflicts, of the anxiety that never leaves them, and of the chill that radiates from the gap that grows between them. Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo argues that this is usually the case in families where neither partner is endowed with high emotional intelligence.
However, “endowed” is not entirely correct. Of course, the innate temperament and experience of living in the parental family are extremely important, but you can bring up the necessary qualities in yourself, says Karen Nimmo. But how do you know what to focus on? And how to determine that you are already a fairly mature partner?
1. You are emotionally available and do not hide in a hole
There is no doubt — most of us sometimes need to be alone in order to recover, recover, collect our thoughts. And in such cases, it is quite normal to move away from your partner for a while. However, you don’t run away, hide, and leave your partner wondering what happened. On the contrary, you openly talk about your need for solitude. And the rest of the time, when there is a resource, you are open, ready to communicate and help your partner if he or she needs support.
2. You understand yourself
Even if you are overwhelmed by emotions and you react to the situation in one way or another, you continue to be aware of what is happening. You know your own triggers, vulnerabilities, weaknesses. In other words, there is no «pig in a poke» inside you. You know who you are and you accept yourself.
3. You have a rich emotional range.
Different situations and events evoke in you adequate feelings and reactions that you are not afraid and do not hesitate to express, even if it is sadness, frustration or fear. You know how to be happy and enjoy life.
4. You are able to look at the situation through the eyes of another
How do you do it? You listen carefully, delving into the meaning of what you hear and not being distracted by extraneous factors. You are not in a hurry with judgments — it is much more important for you to understand the interlocutor and his feelings about what happened. You remember that we are all different, and you accept your partner as he is, with his reactions and views, even if they are fundamentally different from yours.
5. Fighting doesn’t destroy you and your relationship.
First of all, because you «fight» honestly and do not get personal. You do not throw accusations and take criticism adequately, without immediately becoming defensive and denying everything. And if you realize that you were wrong, sincerely apologize, and do it right away. A quarrel for you is not a reason to think that everything is over, you have to disperse and next to you is simply not the right person. You are capable of dialogue and of finding healthy ways to resolve the situation.
6. You are consistent in your reactions.
Your partner is not forced to guess every evening who he will see on the doorstep today, and adapt to you and your mood. If you are angry or upset, there is always a good reason for it, but your loved one is not afraid of your emotions — for example, anger.
7. You yourself believe that you are a good person and partner.
You are sincerely convinced that you are and that you deserve to be treated well. Perhaps, without this, it is impossible to create any healthy relationship.