«Coupon» — feelings «collected in reserve» for payment in games. The psychological «coupon» is the concept of transactional analysis by Eric Berne.
Psychological «coupons» are very similar to discount coupons that are given to customers in stores for purchasing goods. Both those and other coupons can be collected, saved, thrown away or faked. It is very difficult for lovers of collecting psychological «coupons» to refuse them, just as it would be difficult for lovers of shopping coupons to simply burn discounts. And finally, in both cases, coupon holders have to pay for the coupons.
An example of a «coupon»: a wife, having learned about her husband’s infidelity, kicks him out. But at his insistent request, he soon allows him to return, while saying: «Well, you can live, but keep in mind that the former will not be.» Thus, for betrayal, she took herself a “coupon” with a large denomination for anger and contempt with an unlimited validity period (for life) and regularly sold it in family games.
An excerpt from the book «Transactional Analysis — Eastern Version»
Authors: Makarov V.V., Makarova G.A.,
Clients come to therapy with thick albums of stamps, with pot-bellied piggy banks. For many, collecting “stamps” and “coins” becomes the main motivation in life. Often, clients accumulate golden marks of authentic feelings that they do not allow themselves to manifest “here and now”, but save up, some for a “rainy day”, some for a holiday.
Here is a common example. Sveta, doctor, 43 years old. Her «album» was called «Loving Woman». Authentic feelings of joy, expectations of love, tenderness, sex were hidden behind racket feelings of indifference to men. In the family, the mother forbade “being a woman”: using cosmetics, dressing brightly. “Don’t be born beautiful, but be born happy”, “It’s not beauty, but kindness that makes a person beautiful”, “They are met by clothes, they are escorted by mind”. The girl decided to be smart, kind and wait for the prince all her life. In her «album» she glued stamps of her unexpressed authentic feelings of joy and love. Her prize was to be only the Prince. And the «album» was her dowry.
When working with stamps, the therapist asks a lot of questions to the client. What is your piggy bank? What shape, size, color is it? Is it a cat or a pig? Is it heavy or empty? How long will you continue to collect coins of unexpressed feelings? Are your feelings racket or authentic? What stamps do you collect? How many albums do you have? Give titles to your albums. How long do you collect them? What prize would you like to receive? At this stage, it is important to dissociate, to separate the client from his racket feelings, for example, using visual images of albums, piggy banks. Next, the therapist and client analyze the collections and the expected retribution in detail. In the course of work, the client realizes that, having parted with the collection, he parted with retribution. Here it is important to carry out the process of parting, inviting the client to perform a ritual. We use trance techniques. Here is one of the text options: “You can present your albums and stamps in them. Piggy banks. Choose a way to get rid of them. It could be a big ritual fire. Perhaps it looks like a pioneer fire. It is suitable if you have been saving stamps since those times. Or maybe a huge shaman’s fire, around which shadows rush about, the characters of your life, they are in carnival masks and costumes. Look at them carefully. Who is behind the masks, what they do, what they talk about. What are their feelings and emotions? Are they happy or sad? Look, listen, feel what is happening around. And when you’re ready, then take your albums and lift them up, now throw the albums into the fire. Watch the pages unfold. How the stamps scatter, flare up with fire and showered with ashes. Who is next to you? Look around, what has changed. Who are these people standing next to you? Are they wearing masks or not? Take a look at them. What do they do, what do they talk about, what mood do they have.
Do you have a piggy bank? If there is, imagine that you are hitting it with a huge hammer and smashing it to smithereens. Or drown in the blue sea, tying a decent cobblestone to your favorite “kitty” or “pig”.
Let go of the heaviness of accumulated emotions. Say goodbye to them. Shout louder «Goodbye!».
Racket feelings
For example, a man tolerates his wife who is actively pursuing a career. His authentic feeling of fear of loneliness, abandonment, is replaced by racket resentment. He does not openly show his authentic feelings. He does not tell his wife the truth:
«Honey, I’m so afraid of losing you. You are the light in the window for me, the meaning of my life, happiness and tranquility. It is very likely that a woman after such words will not remain indifferent and will do everything to be more close to this man. However, in reality, the husband demonstrates racket indifference and accumulates marks of resentment for retribution. When the «cup of patience» overflows, he expresses everything about his grievances. The wife leaves. He remains alone. His payback is the loneliness he feared so much. See →