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When it seems to us that we are stupid, ugly and not interesting to anyone, this makes our life unbearable. Psychologist Seth Gillian encourages you to love yourself and tells you how to do it.
It’s hard to be happy, constantly feeling that something is wrong with us, but negative thoughts do not arise from scratch. They appear when we do not pay due attention to ourselves: we sleep little, we eat irregularly, we constantly scold ourselves. It’s not easy to see ourselves as a valuable, lovable person if the only person we spend 24 hours a day with treats us badly.
You have to treat yourself well to realize your worth, but only by realizing your worth can you start thinking about yourself in a positive way. How to break the vicious circle? First you need to change your behavior.
Live as if you love yourself, even if you feel otherwise. Pretend to be good to yourself, pretend. Tell yourself that your needs are very important and start taking care of yourself.
Here are four strategies to help you change your behavior, and then your thoughts and feelings.
1. Set aside enough time to carefully plan your day
Dissatisfaction with ourselves often arises from the fact that we clutch at several things at once. As a result, we do everything somehow, we do not have time to finish what we started, or we get stuck in one type of activity. In order not to wallow in self-flagellation, you need to try to better organize your day. The plan should not be long — it is better to completely complete priority tasks than to start and abandon many tasks of varying degrees of importance.
2. Cook yourself a delicious lunch
Cook like you’re doing it for someone you care about. Remember what this person loves, imagine how he will feel, tasting something that is prepared with love for him. Imagine that you are someone who deserves a gourmet meal.
3. Reflect on your needs: determine what they are and how to meet them
Those who are aware of their own needs are more emotionally stable and confident in their relationships and are less afraid of loss. In addition, by “pulling out” your needs, you get the opportunity to satisfy them. Direct on yourself those positive feelings that usually go to others.
4. Surround yourself with people who positively influence you.
Relationships with others largely determine the well-being and perception of life. Look for those who make you better, more positive and more confident. Try to avoid those who bring negativity into your life.
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It is not easy for someone who has thought of himself in a negative way for many years. Start with small steps and learn to treat your appearance, character, mind with more warmth.
Think of your new positive image, not as a new version of yourself, but as a new friend. Getting acquainted with people, we do not consider every trait of their character, we do not evaluate the features of their appearance. We either like a person or we don’t. Some people think that in trying to love yourself, you can go to the other extreme: focusing too much on your needs. However, this is unlikely.
Firstly, positive changes are not easy and you will probably have to deal with “relapses” of self-dislike for a long time to come. Secondly, real self-care leads to a better understanding of the needs of others and entering a new, more conscious level of relationships.
About the Expert: Seth Jay Gillian is a psychologist and author of articles on cognitive behavioral therapy, anxiety, and depression.