Contents
Your children are untenable, you feel like you spend your days screaming… What if you start by thinking about yourself before blaming your little ones? It’s time to take a step back from everyday conflicts and reinvent your role as mom.
Set an example for your child
When you take him to the supermarket, he runs around the shelves, asks for candy, slips away to toys, stamps his feet at the cash desk… In short, your child is extremely agitated. Before looking for the cause of a problem outside, the Zen parent questions himself without complacency about what he gives to see of him. What about you? Do you shop with peace of mind, is it a good time to share or a chore that you send in stress after a long and tiring day of work for you and school for him? If this is the second option the right one, take a break together before the races, have a snack, take a short walk to decompress. Before entering the supermarket warn him: if he runs in all directions, he will be punished. It is important that the rule and the sanction are stated in advance, calmly and not in the anger of the moment.
Do not be forced to thank you
You are tired and your child asks you tons of questions, like: “Why is the sky dark at night?” “,” Where does the rain come from? Or “Why does papi no longer have hair on his head?” Certainly, a toddler’s curiosity is proof of intelligence, but you have the right not to be available. If you do not know the answer, do not just say anything to have peace. Offer to seek the answers with him later, adding that it will be cooler to go together to look at books or to visit one or two sites on the Internet devoted to questions of science or the great questions of life …
Do not interfere in their arguments
It’s annoying to hear them bicker about everything, but sibling rivalry and arguments are a normal part of family life. Often the unconscious goal of the little ones is to involve their parents in the argument so that they side with one or the other. Since it is usually impossible to know who started it (but except in the case of a real fight), your best bet is to say, “This is your fight, not mine. Make it happen on your own, and with as little noise as possible. This is on condition that the little one is old enough to speak and defend himself, and that the aggressiveness does not manifest itself with physical violence which could prove to be dangerous. A Zen parent must know how to set limits on violent gestures and the sound level of screaming.
Do not cash in without saying anything
We mistakenly believe that being zen is about mastering the expression of our emotions and absorbing shocks while keeping a smile. False ! It is useless to mimic impassibility, it is better to welcome your emotions first and recycle them later. As soon as your child storms, yells, expresses his anger and his frustrations, ask him without hesitation to go to his room, telling him that he does not have to invade the house with his screams and his rage. Once he’s in his room, let him rant. During this time, make the inner calm by breathing several times in a row deeply (inhale through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth). Then, when you feel calm, join him and ask him to voice his grievances to you. Listen to him. Take note of what seems to you justified in his requests, then pose firmly and calmly what is inadmissible and non-negotiable. Your calm is reassuring for the child: it places you in the true adult position.