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Baby play provocateurs
No need to wait until your child is a teenager for him to provoke you by sporting a belly button piercing or leaving high school with a cigarette in his mouth. Let it be said: the provocative attitude starts much earlier, and even from the bottle!
It all starts around 18 months
While in his swaddling clothes, Baby discovers, oh so surprised, that his cries trigger a reaction in you. Sometimes you rush to feed him, sometimes to change his diaper or cradle him tenderly in your arms. Of course, this is not a provocation in the strict sense of the term, but it is already a first step. It is only around the age of 18 months-2 years that he will really start to challenge you. Once he has entered his famous opposition phase, during which he answers “No” to everything, and which allows him to build his personality, quite distinct from yours. Soon he will be “mature” enough to be able to put himself in other people’s shoes and anticipate your states of mind. A discovery that he will use and abuse.
Set limits for baby
“Who is the chief ?”
Of course, what your kid loves most of all is making his darling mom happy. But he also loves to make you angry. Why do you ask yourself? Very simple: it makes him feel powerful. Because by getting you on your high horse, the child takes power over you, and it doesn’t matter if you scold him or send him to his room. “The awful jojo” has found your weak point, the button to press… he will not deprive himself of it! Don’t panic, you haven’t fathered a dangerous pervert or a skillful manipulator. He is all that is more normal. In front of you, he feels as tiny as an ant in front of an elephant. What arouses in him immense frustration. So he will regularly try, by all means, to get the upper hand over you, his parents. By provoking you, he indirectly asks you the question: “Who is the leader?” Hence the importance of your response, which must be clear and unambiguous.
You are in the driver’s seat!
To begin with, try to stay calm. Be kind, but firm. Tell him your decision by explaining to you, but without justifying yourself, that it is you, his parents, who hold the reins and make the decisions. When, in your presence, he starts fiddling with the DVD player or tearing the pages of your book when he knows very well that it is totally forbidden, answer him “No!” in a firm and convinced tone. And if he pushes the provocation further by ignoring your warnings, don’t give up. Tell him clearly that “When it’s no, it’s no!” If you do not stay the course, be sure that your toddler will take the opportunity to break into the breach and provoke you, again and again, until he becomes a little tyrant. Because if he dreams of being able, unconsciously, he begs you to take it and assume for him. How do you expect a baby, who knows he is tiny in a world of grown-ups, to feel safe if you, his parents, who are supposed to know everything and protect him, let him take the controls for you? Can you imagine his anxiety? That would make him an anxious, uneasy and unhappy child.
Provocations: they have a meaning!
“Do you love me ?”
When he starts provoking you, your loulou may also ask you another question. This is the case, for example, when he commits a “stupid thing”, quite deliberately, while you are chatting on the phone, or when you change your little one. By his behavior, he asks you the question: “Do I still matter to you?” It may seem paradoxical but, to know if you still love him, he will play the demons, at the risk of making you hate him! Indeed, when he stands as wise as an image, you pay him no attention. It is for this reason that he changes his tactics!
Above all, do not reject him: you will only increase his distress. There is no question either of condemning him by throwing him a “You are mean!” Instead, try to separate reality from what your little one is feeling. Is he getting enough attention? Do you devote enough time to it? Is there a reason that could make him doubt your interest in him? It is not a question of making guilty, but of objectively analyzing the facts, in order, possibly, to correct the situation. Do not interrupt your activity. Reassure him by simply saying, “I love you. You are my darling child. For now, I am finishing what I am doing. In a little while, I’ll tell you a story ”. Try to organize a one-on-one activity with him. Children love that their parents devote time to them just for them! Baby will feel reassured about the love you have for him… Finally, until next time!