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He says no: when your child opposes to assert himself
It is generally around 2 years old that the child discovers the power of “no”. For a few months, he constantly uses this little word which allows him, for the first time, to express desires different from those of adults. His first ‘no’s’ take his parents off guard, because they are used to choosing and deciding for him. However, this opposition is the sign of a new maturity who will allow the child to get out of baby status. This period corresponds to the birth of your child’s identity. From now on, he names himself, claims his place and thus differentiates himself from the adult. These attempts to impose your personal choices are a first step towards autonomy and a very healthy way to build your personality.
The no phase: he needs limits
His “no” are uttered indiscriminately: it is his way of taking power and testing its scope. However, more than ever he needs adults to clearly set limits and uphold the law. Indeed, if no one stands up to him, the child finds himself left to his own devices, in the grip of a feeling of omnipotence that may be exhilarating, but very distressing. Respect his disagreement. On the other hand, to ignore its desire to participate in decisions and to give its opinion would be to deny its very existence. You must respect their right, as a person, to express their disagreement and to take initiatives, even if, fundamentally, you are not wavering. He is still very dependent on you and needs to be guided, gently and firmly.
Baby always says no: go around the obstacle
To oppose head-on to his repetitive refusals would lead to an exhausting and damaging showdown for you and for him. Doesn’t he want to put on that coat? Turn it into a game ” Here, the little sleeve is looking for a little hand, over here, little hand! Where are your little fingers? “. You will gradually learn the little tips that work with your child and that allow you to defuse conflict without your stubborn little one feeling like he’s losing face.
In video: Our child does not want to eat
No phase in children: limit your refusals
Also know that the more you say “yes” to him, the less he will say “no” to you. Thus, reserve your categorical refusals to the most important rules and try to give him more leeway on small choices without consequences (the color of the sweater, for example). He’ll be very proud that you ask his opinion on the details, and will be more likely to defer to you for the most part.
No phase: adopt the “5 ‘3’ 1” rule.
Remember that your child lives in the immediacy, and in a universe where the imagination holds a greater place than the constraints of the real. Does he refuse to leave the house or the square? Normal, it is in full play! No need to try to make him listen to reason by reminding him that you have groceries to do or dinner to prepare. Better to anticipate : five minutes before the time of departure, you warn him and you show him your five fingers which correspond to the minutes left to play. Two minutes later, you tell him that there are three left: three minutes, three fingers, etc. Finally, it’s time: we’re leaving without arguing. Once in place, this little ritual will help him comply at the right time without feeling cheated.
No period: congratulate him
Above all, when he follows you with good grace, when he gives you a “yes”, value him, ostensibly admire this big boy so reasonable. It’s up to you to show him what he gains: a serene and smiling mother, and why not, a small reward. “ Since you’ve been so nice, I’ll give you a good snack at the bakery! The choice is yours ! “. This is a good way to let your child know that he can be assertive without being systematically opposed to you.