Stressful events, insults and humiliations leave an imprint in our memory, make us experience them again and again. But memories are not written into us once and for all. They can be edited by removing the negative background. Psychotherapist Alla Radchenko tells how it works.
Memories are not stored in the brain like books or computer files.. There is no memory storage as such. Every time we refer to some event from the past, it is overwritten. The brain builds a chain of events anew. And every time she is going a little differently. Information about previous «versions» of memories is stored in the brain, but we do not yet know how to access it.
Difficult memories can be rewritten. What we feel in the present moment, the environment around us, new experiences — all this affects how the image that we call up in memory will appear. This means that if a certain emotion is attached to some experienced event — say, anger or sadness — it will not necessarily remain forever. Our new discoveries, new thoughts can recreate this memory in a different form — with a different mood. For example, you told someone about an emotionally difficult event in your life. And you were given support — they consoled you, offered to look at him differently. This added to the event a sense of security.
If we are experiencing some kind of shock, it is useful to switch immediately after this, to try to change the image that has arisen in our head.
Memory can be created artificially. Moreover, in such a way that you do not distinguish it from the real one, and over time, such a “false memory” will also acquire new details. There is an American experiment that demonstrates this. Students were asked to complete questionnaires about themselves in great detail and then answer questions about themselves. The answer had to be simple — yes or no. The questions were: “were you born there and there”, “your parents were such and such”, “did you like going to kindergarten”. At some point, they were told: “And when you were five years old, you got lost in a big store, you got lost and your parents were looking for you.” The person says, «No, it didn’t.» They say to him: “Well, there was still such a pool, toys were swimming there, you ran around this pool, looking for dad and mom.” Then many more questions were asked. And after a few months they come again, and they are also asked questions. And they ask the same question about the store. And 16-17% agreed. And they added some circumstances. It became a memory of a person.
The memory process can be controlled. The period during which the memory is fixed is 20 minutes. If you think about something else during this time, the new information moves into long-term memory. But if you interrupt them with something else, this new information creates a competing task for the brain. Therefore, if we are experiencing some kind of shock or something unpleasant, it is useful to switch immediately after this, to try to change the image that has arisen in our head.
Imagine a child studying at school and the teacher often yells at him. Her face is distorted, she is irritated, makes comments to him. And he reacts, he sees her face and thinks: now it will start again. We need to get rid of this frozen image. There are tests that identify stress zones. And certain exercises, with the help of which a person, as it were, reshapes this frozen children’s perception. Otherwise, it will become fixed and affect how a person will behave in other circumstances.
Every time we go back to childhood memories and they are positive, we get younger.
It’s good to reminisce. When a person walks back and forth in memory — goes into the past, returns to the present, moves into the future — this is a very positive process. At this moment, different parts of our experience are consolidated, and this brings concrete benefits. In a sense, these memory walks work like a «time machine» — going back, we make changes to them. After all, the difficult moments of childhood can be experienced differently by the psyche of an adult.
My favorite exercise: imagine being eight years old on a small bike. And you will be more comfortable and more convenient to go. Every time we go into childhood memories and they are positive, we get younger. People look completely different. I bring a person to a mirror and show how his face changes.