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The insidiousness of these phrases is that they do not sound rude or offensive to the female ear. Well, what’s wrong with the words «Okay, I’d better do it myself» or «Be a man!»? They hurt the male ego! And how — we will now explain.
If you’ve already said it once, make an effort and don’t say it again. Because our family therapists have learned from their clients that these are the scariest words you can ever hear from your partner.
1. «Okay, I’d better do it myself»
Pro tip: If you asked a man to fix a faucet—or just asked him to call someone to fix the faucet—let him do it himself.
“Even if your partner forgot to do this a few times, chances are they genuinely want to help you,” says Ann Crowley, a family psychologist in Austin. — Let him save face, do not say: «Okay, I’d better do it myself.» This is a terrible phrase. For a man, it means that you do not think that he is capable of doing anything at all, and you do not need him.
2. «I could have guessed…»
These hurtful words will not become an incentive for him to act, because you are demanding the almost impossible.
Men are bad at reading between the lines and not making assumptions. Tell me exactly what you want from him
“Women will save themselves a lot of time and nerves if they just put up with the fact that men are bad at reading between the lines and not making assumptions,” says Ryan Howes, a Pasadena clinical psychologist. “They weren’t made for this, and you can’t retrain them. Just tell him directly what you want from him.
3. «We need to talk»
No other words are capable of instilling so much horror in the heart of a man as this harmless, at first glance, phrase. This is a harbinger of a serious conversation, complaints and criticism.
Do you know what he will do? «He’ll think he’s a loser and try to run away,» says Marcia Berger, a family therapist. “But this is exactly the opposite of what you wanted to sit down together and talk.”
4. «Be a man!»
For your own good and his own, don’t use those words. This is a crude attack on his identity, questioning his masculinity and belonging to a great tribe of miners, protectors, builders and inventors.
5. “Clean up after yourself. I’m not your mommy!»
Get creative and find a more subtle way to convince him to put things in their place or in the bin. Saying that he still needs his mother, you, without knowing it, can get to the point — to remind him how good he was with her.
Sometimes, after listening to all the stories of their friends, your partner comes to the conclusion that he is a good husband.
6. «Are you leaving with your friends again?»
Don’t see it as a threat to your marriage, Howes says. Of course, sometimes going to football with the guys is just a euphemism for a good drink, but for most men, meeting friends is an outlet to chat on an equal footing, exchange opinions and their boyish symbols of power and status.
Such bachelor parties have bonuses for you too. Sometimes, after listening to all the stories of their friends, your partner comes to the conclusion that he is a good husband. And such rich male communication makes him miss your company.
8. «Do you think she’s cute?»
You’re putting him in a situation where you can’t give the right answer. Men’s nature is such that they always mark the most attractive girl. Perhaps, in this case, he already noted it to himself. And now he has to decide how to combine two equally true statements — that the girl is pretty and that he loves you, not her.
9. «Oh, what a tummy!»
You need to be careful to note changes in his appearance, since men do not have the habit of making fun of themselves, unlike us. Not everything needs to be voiced, sometimes it’s easier to go straight to action. And this is just the case. It will be much more useful if you happen to be in the park together one of the next few days and spend a few hours there, and on the weekends you get bikes and go for a walk.