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To be always ready for sex, to be insatiable, to want at any moment and in any situation… Stereotypes about male sexuality often become a source of anxiety and problems with potency. Let’s take a look at some common fears and how to deal with them.
1. He’s afraid he won’t be able to control his erection.
The feeling of control over a member for a man is tantamount to a feeling of power. At least, the environment convinces him of this, advertising of means for potency and worldly wisdom. But in the end, this attitude becomes one of the main causes of stress and low self-esteem. The mere thought that he will not be able to demonstrate his strength to the woman he loves can lead to the loss of an erection. This fear very often leads to problems with potency in men: failure entails anxiety, and anxiety gives rise to self-doubt.
What to do?
Stress is the main enemy of erection. Let your partner feel comfortable during sex. Do not evaluate his «endurance», do not make jokes on this topic. Tip for men: try special relaxation practices. Meditation, yoga, abdominal breathing — all this will help reduce tension and better control your body.
2. He is afraid of being compared to others.
“My ex did it better” is a phrase that almost every man is afraid to hear. Although most often no one pronounces it in this form, a hint of a discrepancy between the bar set by someone can drive men crazy. At consultations, many say that they would like a partner with little experience, just so as not to be tormented by doubts and suspicions.
What to do?
Do not criticize what your partner does, especially do not make fun of him and do not cite your own experience as an example. If you still want to change something, say in the form of wishes: “You know, I would be very pleased if you…” Remember to praise your partner when he manages to please you (but be honest, do not flatter).
3. He is afraid that he will not be ready for the second time.
After an orgasm, a man begins a period of discharge: the scrotum relaxes, the testicles descend, and sexual desire is dulled for a while due to the release of pleasure hormones. The time it takes to recover is different for everyone — it can be a couple of minutes or several hours. Moreover, with age, this time only increases. These are natural physiological processes, but some men require themselves to be constantly ready for new exploits.
What to do?
For men, first of all, realize that there are other ways to prolong pleasure. Try slow sex, take breaks, change positions and ways of stimulation. So you will not only give your partner more pleasure, but also open yourself up to new, vivid sensations.
4. He’s afraid to admit he doesn’t know how to please you.
Many men come to counseling complaining that they cannot satisfy their partner. They are depressed, doubt their attractiveness, ask for a drug that will magically give them the ability to bring any woman to orgasm. But in the course of the conversation, it turns out that they never asked the partner about what kind of caress she likes, and their knowledge of the vagina extends no further than a couple of articles about the «G-spot» in popular magazines. They are sure that a real man should already be able to bring a woman to ecstasy, and asking questions is humiliating.
What to do?
When we first sit behind the wheel of a car, we get used to it for a long time, adapt to its dimensions, learn to press the pedals smoothly and naturally, before we feel confident and at ease on the road. In sex, we also cannot be skillful from the first movements. Only by examining the body of another, we understand how it works, what and how it responds.
5. He is (still) worried about his penis size.
Many men are still convinced that a woman’s pleasure depends on how deeply you can penetrate her. Urologists note that among men who surgically enlarge their penis, there are many bodybuilders. Against the background of large muscles, their «main organ» seems just tiny.
However, firstly, the size of the penis at rest does not say anything about its size in the state of erection. Secondly, with a vaginal depth of 12 cm at rest, a penis length of 12,5 cm is sufficient. If that doesn’t sound convincing, keep this in mind: 60% of Indians have an average of 2,4 cm less penis length, according to research from condom manufacturers.
What to do?
Men should focus on what determines the pleasure of a partner. Only 30% of women have vaginal orgasms. And this means that for 70% it does not matter at all what shape, length and thickness your penis is. But as for the clitoris, here the field for experiments is really immense for those who are determined to explore it.
About the Author: Catherine Solano is a sexologist and andrologist, author of How Male Sexuality Works.