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“Trust, but verify,” goes the famous saying. Without our participation, everything will definitely go topsy-turvy: subordinates will miss an important project, and the husband will forget to pay the bills for the apartment. But trying to keep track of everything, we spend a huge amount of energy and time. Here are 7 strategies to help break the habit of control.
“You can never know what is waiting for you around the corner,” say Buddhist monks. There are many things that are out of our control and that we have no control over. Natural phenomena, the future (both ours and that of all mankind), the feelings and actions of other people — trying to control them, we waste time and energy. How to stop doing it?
1. Determine what you can influence
You cannot force a spouse to change, you cannot prevent a storm, you cannot control the sunrise, the feelings and actions of children, colleagues, acquaintances. Sometimes the only thing you can control at all is your actions and your attitude to what is happening. And it is with this material that it makes sense to work.
2. Let go
The world will not collapse if the child forgets the textbook at home, if the husband does not call the management company. They forgot themselves — they will get out themselves, these are their worries, and there is no point in you remembering these little things. And if you don’t roll your eyes later with the words: “I knew that you would forget,” then this will give them strength and faith in themselves.
3. Ask yourself if total control helps or hinders
What are you afraid of? What happens if you «let go of the reins»? Is this really your concern? What bonuses do you get by trying to control everything? Perhaps if you remove a specific task from the list, you will have more free time. Do you understand that the only thing you can be sure of is that we will all die someday, and the rest is out of our control?
4. Define your sphere of influence
You cannot make a child a better student, but you can give him the tools to become a leader among equals. You can’t force people to enjoy the party, but you can create a warm, welcoming atmosphere at the party. To have more influence, you must control your behavior, actions. Make the most of it. If you are afraid that someone might do something wrong, express your fears, but only once. Don’t try to influence people who don’t want to.
5. Distinguish between thinking about problems and looking for solutions
Constantly replaying yesterday’s conversation in your head and worrying about the catastrophic results of the transaction is harmful. But thinking about how to solve a problem is helpful. Ask yourself what are you doing now — reflecting or thinking how to fix the situation? Try to take a break from your worries for a couple of minutes. Then focus on productive thoughts.
6. Learn to relax
Turn off your phone from time to time, do not go online, do not watch TV. Imagine that you are on a desert island, where — lo and behold — there are all the amenities and necessary products. Do not wait for a vacation, learn to set aside a few minutes for rest on weekdays. Read a book, meditate, go to a sauna or a beauty salon, do needlework, have a picnic in nature.
7. Take care of yourself
Eating healthy, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, doing what you love, hobbies are the things that you must have in your life. This is something without which you will not be able to move on, adequately respond to stress and see new opportunities that are probably waiting around the corner. It doesn’t matter if you are going through difficult times or, conversely, you are having a “bright” period.