Love, passion, common interests… We remember them much more often than mutual respect. Meanwhile, it is precisely the lack of respect for each other that prevents the couple from taking the relationship to a qualitatively new level. Family therapists suggest a number of ways to remedy the situation.
Often disrespect for a partner is manifested in small things — so insignificant that we, as a rule, do not notice them. Here are a few simple steps to help you avoid mistakes.
Listen carefully to your partner, think about the meaning of his words in order to truly understand what exactly he needs, what he wants, what worries him.
Show your partner that his desires, aspirations and experiences are important to you.
When you are asked for something, try to respond quickly. Do not delay, use every opportunity to demonstrate care.
Do not forget not only to thank your partner for specific actions, but also to admire him as a person.
Be careful with humor: it can revive a relationship, or it can hurt a partner. Don’t cross the line from playful teasing to hurting your ego.
Compare your partner to others only to pay attention to his talents and strengths.
Many deeply personal details about your partner are known only to you. Never talk about them to strangers.
Be a worthy opponent in disputes, but do not get carried away by them. The goal is not to win, but to find a compromise.
When showing dissatisfaction, try not to criticize your partner.
Avoid sarcasm.
Express your complaints about the relationship to the partner himself, do not share them with strangers behind his back.
Never show your partner contempt and neglect. In particular, don’t roll your eyes.
Try not to speak impatiently and irritably with your partner.
If your partner makes mistakes or makes bad decisions, show empathy and understanding: “We all make mistakes, but we can learn a lot from our mistakes.”
When your partner suggests something, praise him for the abundance of ideas.
Do not interfere with your partner to act in their own way.
Learn to deal calmly with any differences of opinion.
Support the decisions your partner makes whenever possible.
Show that you appreciate the partner’s contribution to the overall budget — no matter how large this contribution.
Demonstrate that you appreciate the intangible, emotional contribution of a partner to your overall well-being.
If you make a mistake or make an ill-advised decision, apologize as soon as possible.
Think of all the situations in which you hurt or hurt your partner. Take responsibility for this. Learn from your fights and conflicts and change your behavior so you don’t continue to undermine the building of your relationship.
Always be ready to forgive your partner when they make mistakes or make rash decisions.
Tell your partner more often how proud you are of them.
Demonstrate respect for your partner not only alone with him, but also in the presence of others.
Do not limit yourself to the ideas listed above: this is just a basic list, it can and should be supplemented. By following these simple guidelines, you will very soon begin to notice more and more signs of how much richer your relationship has become.
About the Authors: Linda and Charlie Bloom are couples therapists who specialize in couples therapy.