Contents
The acquisition of autonomy
At around 2 and a half years old, the child feels the need to do things on his own. Put on his socks, press the elevator button, button his coat, fill his glass on his own… He is technically capable and can feel it. By claiming his autonomy, he thus seeks to push the limits of his motor skills. Moreover, with the acquisition of walking, he can now walk alone, like an adult, and therefore begins to identify with adults. He thus develops the more and more pressing desire to “do as they do”, that is to say, himself perform the actions that he sees them do on a daily basis and gradually renounce their assistance.
An essential need for self-confidence
Getting by on their own, without the help of an adult, to put on the sleeves of their sweater or button their shirt correctly, allows children to develop their skills and intelligence. And when he succeeds in performing his actions himself for the first time, they appear to him as real feats. The child derives incredible pride and confidence from it. The acquisition of autonomy is thus an essential step for him to gain self-confidence. Being totally dependent on an adult is also terribly distressing for the child, when he finds himself in a community with other little ones and all the attention is no longer focused on him.
A necessary step before entering school
Today, many people believe that the different stages of development are subjective, that “everything depends on the children”. But, just as there are rules of growth for the body, there are others for the psyche. According to Françoise Dolto, the learning of autonomy must thus take place between 22 and 27 months. In fact, a child should know how to wash, dress, eat and use the toilet on their own before being enrolled in school. Indeed, his teacher will not be able to be behind him all the time to help him, which can distress him if he does not know how to manage. In any case, the child generally feels capable of carrying out these gestures around the age of 2 and the fact of not encouraging him in this way can only slow down his development.
The role of parents
A child always believes that his parents know everything. If the latter do not encourage him to take his autonomy, he therefore concludes that they do not want to see him grow. The child will then continue to “pretend” and refuse to use his new abilities to please them. Obviously, this step is not easy for parents because they have to spend time showing their child the daily gestures and helping him to repeat them. This requires patience and, moreover, they feel that by becoming independent, their child is detached from them. However, it is essential to let him take calculated risks. Be sure to support him especially in the event of failure, to prevent him from building himself up with the idea that he is stupid or clumsy. Explain to him that, to perform each act, there is a method which is the same for everyone (adults and children), which no one has at birth and that learning is necessarily punctuated by failures.