Successful people know the power of unspoken words because they are read in our body. The secret is to avoid some subtle but telling gestures when you’re interacting with someone at work or at any moment that’s important to you. The results of the observations of Travis Bradbury.
Body language speaks for us before we have time to process our words. And it is more difficult to control it than our speech — is that why they believe it more than what they hear? For example, you are slightly slouched or slouched in a meeting… This reads as a sign of insecurity or that you are bored. Sometimes it is.
And sometimes our movements are perceived by others in a completely different way than we might think.
Watch successful people who communicate their confidence and control of the situation in both speech and body movements. Pay particular attention to what not to do…
It seems to you that no one will notice your glance at the clock. But this gesture is always noticeable and is interpreted as disrespect and impatience.
1. Sit down. You will never tell your boss, «I don’t see why I should listen to you,» but if you change your body position and sit hunched over, your body will say it for you, and very clearly. This is a sign of disrespect. When you slouch and don’t keep your posture, it shows that you are not interested and do not want to be here.
Our brain is used to reading information by posture and by the amount of space that a person standing next to us occupies.
Power pose — when you stand up straight with your shoulders back, keeping your head straight. Whereas, by slouching, you crumple your shape, strive to take up less space and thus show that you have less power. Therefore, there is a very good reason to maintain an even posture throughout the entire conversation: this is how we also maintain attention to the interlocutor, show our respect and interest in him.
2. Gesticulate exaggeratedly. Often, when people want to hide something or divert attention, they gesticulate heavily. Watch yourself when you do not want to give a direct answer — you will also notice body movements that are unusual for you.
Strive to keep the gestures small and precise, this shows that you are in control of the situation and your speech. Such gestures are typical for most successful people who are confident and focused on business. Also gestures should be open.
3. Look at your watch. Don’t do this when talking to someone, it reads as disrespect and impatience. This seemingly imperceptible gesture is actually always noticeable. And even if you are just used to controlling time and you are actually interested in listening to the interlocutor, with this gesture you will give him the impression that you were bored during the conversation.
4. Turn away from everyone. This gesture says not only that you are not involved in what is happening. It is still read on a subconscious level as a sign of distrust of the speaker. The same thing happens when you do not turn to your interlocutor during a conversation or look away.
Try to control not only gestures, but also body movements, so as not to send obviously negative signals during a work meeting or important negotiations.
We know that we can listen carefully without looking at the interlocutor, but our counterpart will think otherwise
5. Cross your arms and legs. Even if you smile at the same time and have a pleasant conversation, the person will still experience some vague feeling that you are pushing him away. This is a body language classic that many have written about. This is how you create a physical barrier between yourself and the speaker because you are not open to what he is saying.
Standing with your arms crossed is comfortable, but you’ll have to fight this habit if you don’t want to be seen as (unfairly!) a secretive type.
6. Contradict your words with facial expressions or gestures. For example, a forced smile during a negotiation when you say no. Perhaps this is how you want to soften the rejection, but it is much better if the words and expression on your face correspond to how you feel. Your interlocutor considers from this situation only that something is wrong here, something does not converge and, perhaps, you are hiding something from him or want to deceive.
7. Nod vigorously. Many people advise nodding from time to time to maintain contact. However, if you nod after each of his words, it will seem to the interlocutor that you agree with something that you actually do not quite understand, and generally crave his approval.
8. Fix your hair. This is a nervous gesture, indicating that you are more focused on your appearance than on what is happening. Which, in general, is not far from the truth.
9. Avoid direct eye contact. Although we all understand that it is possible to be fully involved in what is happening and listen very carefully, without looking up, the signals of the body and how the brain reads them, arguments of the mind win here. This will be perceived as secrecy, what you keep back, and will arouse suspicion in response.
It is especially important to maintain eye contact at the moment when you are making some important statement or communicating complex information. Those who have this habit need to remind themselves not to look at the floor, around, because this will definitely have a negative effect.
10. Too much eye contact. In contrast to the previous one, too much eye contact is perceived as aggression and an attempt to dominate. On average, Americans maintain eye contact for 7 seconds, longer when listening, less when speaking.
It is also important how you look away. If you lower your eyes down, this is perceived as submission, to the side — confidence and trust.
11. Roll your eyes. Some have this habit, as well as eloquently exchange glances with one of their colleagues. Luckily for us, these conscious habits are easier to control and worth it.
Too strong a handshake indicates a desire to dominate, too weak — about insecurity
12. Sitting miserably. It is more difficult here — we cannot always control and even imagine how we look from the outside. The problem is that if we are immersed in our sad thoughts through no fault of those around us, they will still perceive that you are upset because of them.
The way out is to remember this when you are surrounded by people. Take into account the fact that if you approach a colleague with some kind of work question and at the same time your face looks sad and preoccupied, his first reaction will not be to your words, but to the expression on your face: “What are you unhappy about this once?» A simple smile, no matter how trite it may sound, is read by the brain positively and leaves a lasting favorable impression of you.
13. Get too close to the interlocutor. If you stand closer than one and a half feet, this is perceived as an invasion of personal space and signals disrespect. And next time, this person will feel uncomfortable in your presence.
14. Squeeze your hands. This is a sign that you are nervous or defensive or want to argue. Communicating with you, people in response will also experience nervousness.
15. Weak handshake. Too strong a handshake indicates a desire to dominate, too weak — a lack of self-confidence. Both are not very good. What should be your handshake? Always different depending on the person and the situation, but always firm and warm.
About the Expert: Travis Bradbury is co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, which has been translated into 23 languages; co-founder of the TalentSmart consulting center, whose clients include three-quarters of Fortune 500 companies.