10 Signs You’re Being Too Compliant and What to Do About It

There is a fine line that separates people who are simply nice from those who are too accommodating. When you are afraid to express yourself and your opinion, you shrink internally — and your «I» also shrinks, losing hope and the ability to achieve anything.

If you are weak and sensitive, your path will be like drifting a boat without anchor and sail, because success can only be achieved by conscious effort.

And the biggest irony is that if you want to please everyone without exception, it often has the opposite effect. Instead of seeking approval from other people or being in doubt, it is better to take care of yourself, learn to train the ability to defend your opinion.

This does not mean that everyone around is wrong, but only you are right. Success comes after a lot of controversy and debate, it comes from often conflicting opinions expressed by different people.

Here are some of the traits and behaviors of those who consider themselves a pleasant person to communicate, although their behavior suggests that they are simply too compliant and strive to please everyone at all costs.

1. Assent

You constantly soften your statements, do not say what you think, because you are afraid that your thoughts will not find support from others. As a result, you agree with those who express the opposite opinion.

You will have to learn to at least sometimes voice your opinion and do it convincingly.

2. The need for constant approval

No matter how much you are praised and supported, it will not give you confidence if you do not feel it internally.

You need to understand that the only way to get something is to say what you want. For starters, to yourself.

3. Constant compliments to others

One of the clearest indicators of insincerity, oddly enough, is that you are constantly complimenting others. If you start every conversation with compliments, it will soon backfire — you will be considered a manipulator. This is because your goal is actually really different — to get approval and support.

Save compliments for those moments when they are sincere.

4. Excuses

When you start making excuses, it is often seen as a weakness.

Accept that people won’t always agree with you. There is no business without disputes and confrontations. You need to train the ability to listen to criticism, accept feedback and not consider it an insult. People will not help you climb the corporate ladder just because they feel sorry for you.

Learn to grow after criticism instead of shrinking and hiding.

5. Agreeing with what you internally disapprove of

To please others, you agree even when you internally disagree. You are too accommodating. So no one will know what you think and what you are. So, you will not be able to evaluate as a person.

Successful people often do not want to fit into existing relationships and are able to express their opinions directly. And those who surround them very quickly agree with new ideas if they are expressed confidently and with reason.

6.Recycling

By staying up late at work, you’re trying to prove your worth. Often this leads to you starting to perform unnecessary tasks.

Relax and do your part. Learn to say «no» without feeling guilty. Your “no” determines your priorities and who you are as a person.

Only in this way will people know where you end and where they begin. Until they see this border, they will load you.

7. Silence

As long as your interests are clearly offended, and you are silent about it, you will not be perceived as valuable. Learn to express your opinion, because it is your right.

8. Uncertainty

Those who seek to please everyone have such a feature — to ask permission even in situations where it is not required. You think you look polite this way. But if this is repeated too often, you will be considered a person who is not smart enough to make even a simple decision.

9. Apologies too often

If you start every conversation with «I’m sorry to bother you,» that says a lot about you. You don’t have to apologize for your existence. Timidly starting a conversation, you show the interlocutor that you expect disapproval from him.

Make an effort to get rid of this habit.

10. Timidity

You will not achieve anything if you cherish this quality in yourself. The world of business is not subtle or sensitive, and if you are too accommodating, you need to work with this quality of yourself so that others less talented than you do not ultimately overtake you.

About the Expert: Sherri Campbell is a psychoanalyst, PhD.