Contents
From childhood, we learn to pretend to be someone in order to join the team, to earn approval. By adopting certain behavioral patterns, unconsciously or consciously we strive for security and stability. But hiding from the world under a mask, we deprive ourselves of genuine relationships and real feelings. What masks do we wear to hide our true colors?
What are these masks? In essence, these are coping strategies — techniques that we use to cope with difficult situations in everyday communication. They protect us like armor, but can interfere with relationships with those closest to us. By becoming aware of the protections we are accustomed to using, we can begin to heal from past wounds and enjoy real intimacy with loved ones.
While coping strategies are as varied as our personalities, here are ten of the most common masks.
1. Cool and unflappable
With all his appearance, this person makes it clear that he will remain calm in any situation. Riding above the wave during conflicts or in the midst of chaos, he gazes at you with the composure of a Tibetan monk.
However, one of two things happens. His bottled up emotions sooner or later lead to a nervous breakdown. Or he periodically presses the valve and releases steam when no one is watching. A calm and unflappable boss might explode and yell at a cashier at a supermarket or send a scathing letter to a subordinate who made a minor mistake. But don’t worry — he still controls the situation in this case and knows who can be chosen for the role of switchman and who not.
2. Comedian
Humor is a brilliant defense mechanism. If you’re laughing, then you’re not crying anymore. Although sometimes it still looks very similar. Humor can prevent rapprochement, will not let you get too close and find out what’s on your mind.
The comedian jokes so that the conversation does not become too deep and real, in order to avoid discussion and exchange of opinions. Unable to listen to his partner to the end, he puts on the mask of a comedian and closes the topic jokingly. So he leaves the conflict, but does not solve the problem. Accustomed to laughing off for any reason, the comedian does not let anyone get too close and in some ways remains alone.
3. Eternal excellent student
Some people become honors students not because of the love of fives and diplomas. For them, it’s a defense mechanism. If everything is done correctly, then their world will not shatter into pieces. Of course, there are pleasant moments in the life of an excellent student.
He gets his moment of glory and praise, but anxiety always remains his companion — the reverse side of this mask
In later life and relationships, the eternal excellent student always has a fear of error. In partnerships, his positive and penetrating qualities — perseverance, obsession with an idea — can sometimes work against him.
4. Martyr-savior
Many people are familiar with people who burn at work, selflessly alone save the world and make any sacrifices for the sake of loved ones. On the one hand, they are able to connect families with their compassion, on the other hand, they can lose those who love them because of the constant stories about their victims. They do good — and immediately make a drama out of it.
The martyr seeks to take his place in the world and believes that he can do this only if he plays the most important role in someone’s life. But this makes people feel uncomfortable around him and makes the relationship uncomfortable.
5. Buller
Any team where we had to work is, in essence, the fifth grade of a high school at a break. School yard with all kinds of bullers, all types and shades.
Their control methods can be very subtle. They use gentle manipulation to make you think like them, or aggressive onslaught to the point of brute force. Buller appears impenetrable, giving instructions to everyone and setting his own rules, but behind this mask lies insecurity and a passionate thirst for recognition.
Buller needs respect and recognition so much that he is ready to get them at any cost, breaking any boundaries.
6. Lover of everything to control
He needs to be sure that everything is in its place, that all notebooks are neatly wrapped in covers and pencils are sharpened. Like a mother hen, he doesn’t let anyone out of his sight and feels responsible for everyone around him — even if they don’t want to.
By controlling everything and everyone, such a person copes with his main fear of the unknown, uncertainty.
Want to find out who in your environment wears a control freak mask? He will prove himself as soon as something goes wrong as he planned.
7. «Samoyed»
Suffering from the most chronic and advanced case of self-doubt, he unwittingly inspires the same attitude in others. This person is in a hurry to humiliate himself before someone else does. He believes, perhaps unconsciously, that in this way he will save himself from troubles and disappointments. He avoids any risk and at the same time — any relationship.
8. «A very nice person»
He is ready to do anything to earn the approval of those around him. If there is a colleague in your environment who constantly asks for advice from friends, experts, coaches, then he is a “very nice person”.
His views and values often mimic during the same day, depending on the situation. This is because his self-image is completely made up of the opinions of other people, and without them he simply loses himself.
9. Silence
The person behind this mask is simply terribly afraid of mistakes and rejection. He would rather endure loneliness than take risks and do something that someone might not like. He is silent or says little because he is afraid to say something wrong.
Like the perfectionist, the man behind the silent mask believes that everything that is said and done in this world must be perfect. Although the whole world around us with all its appearance proves the opposite.
10. Eternal party-goer
He has a lot of acquaintances, the calendar is filled to overflowing with invitations to social events. Perhaps his life lacks meaning, perhaps he fills his days to overflowing with parties and events so that there is no time to think about it. Or is everything simpler, and his only talent is small talk?
Source: psychcentral.com