Contents
- 1. “You never wash dishes. They have already turned into an installation.”
- 2. «You’re a bad father/bad lover»
- 3. «You sound exactly like your mother»
- 4. «I hate it when you do that» (said out loud in front of his friends or family)
- 5. «Do you think you’re the best?»
- 6. «Don’t wait for me»
- 7. “Are you getting better?”
- 8. «You shouldn’t think like that»
- 9. «I hardly know him — we just work together»
- 10. «Do you think I got better?»
A word can hurt — this truth is well known to family therapists. If you want to live happily ever after in a marriage, remember the rule: some words are better left unspoken.
Of course, one must distinguish between what was said intentionally and what was said accidentally. But with these ten phrases, you need to be especially careful.
1. “You never wash dishes. They have already turned into an installation.”
First, intonation. Accusation implies defense, attack — defense. Do you feel dynamic? You are like a drummer who sets the pace for the whole song at the beginning. Further, the plates will already be forgotten, and you will want to discuss other topics, and the rhythm of your communication will remain the same: “I attack, defend!”
Secondly, the word «never» should not sound in your conversations, just like «always», «in general» and «you forever», says psychologist Samantha Rodman.
2. «You’re a bad father/bad lover»
Such words are hard to forget. Why? We have come too close to the roles with which the partner identifies as a person. These roles are very important for a man, and it is better not to question them.
There is always another way — you can say, for example: «I bought movie tickets, our girls love watching new movies with you,» psychotherapist Gary Newman advises.
3. «You sound exactly like your mother»
You are entering territory that does not belong to you. «Morning, sun, mom bakes pies …» — what a sunny picture. Such a phrase can sound only in one case — if it is pronounced with an intonation of admiration. And it seems that we also deviated from the topic of conversation, recalls Sharon O’Neill, a family therapist.
You are alone now. Remember how you wanted this at the beginning of your acquaintance — just to be alone, and so that no one could interfere. So why make it so that your dialogue becomes too crowded?
4. «I hate it when you do that» (said out loud in front of his friends or family)
Oh, that’s an absolute no to marriage. Remember, never do that, says Becky Whetstone, a family therapist.
That’s the way men are. Say the same phrase in private, and your partner will listen to it calmly. The point is not even in the phrase itself, but in the fact that you declare your hatred in the presence of those who consider you a single entity and whose opinion is most important for a man.
5. «Do you think you’re the best?»
Double dose of poison in one sentence. You doubt the value of a partner and also «read» the thoughts in his head, explains Becky Whetstone. And I think it was sarcasm?
6. «Don’t wait for me»
In general, a harmless phrase, but it should not be said too often before bed. Do not leave your partner to while away the evening minutes in the company of those who will find both time and pleasant words for him — you just need to open a laptop …
7. “Are you getting better?”
This is not constructive criticism. And criticism in a relationship should be constructive, reminds Becky Whetstone. For a man, this is doubly unpleasant, because he, standing in front of a mirror, is completely satisfied with himself.
8. «You shouldn’t think like that»
You mean he shouldn’t do things you can’t know about. There is nothing more humiliating for a man. Try to understand him or ask why he is so upset, but just don’t say «you shouldn’t be upset,» Samantha Rodman advises.
9. «I hardly know him — we just work together»
First, don’t make excuses! Secondly, you know that this is not true and you like him. Over the years of marriage, sympathy for one of your colleagues will inevitably arise — both for you and for your husband.
The best option is to say, “Yes, it sounds funny, but I liked the new sales manager. When he starts joking, he reminds me of you and your sense of humor,” says sex coach Robin Wolgast. Openness, rather than silence on uncomfortable topics, is the best tactic in a relationship.
10. «Do you think I got better?»
One of the strangest questions in the long list of marriage oddities is remarked by Robin Wolgast. What do you really want to say? “I know that I have gained weight. I’m unhappy and I want you to tell me that I’m fine and I’m looking even better. But I still know it’s not true.»
Such dialectical contradictions are not within the power of every man, besides, it turns out that you make him responsible for his own well-being. In addition, a similar question, if repeated several times, will turn into a statement for a partner. And he will agree with you.
But if you are lucky with your partner, you will receive a simple-minded answer to any such question: “Yes, you are with me, old woman, anywhere else!”