Your firstborn wants you to know
This is especially important for those who are planning to add to the family. The appearance of a second baby is a very exciting event not only for you, but also for your eldest.
Undoubtedly, children are wonderful! Therefore, most parents do not stop at one child. Yes, and the first-born himself should grow up a little, as he begins to ask for a brother or sister. But no matter how during pregnancy you prepare the elder for the appearance of a new baby in your family, this will still greatly change his life and can cause stress. How to avoid jealousy and help the first-born, together with mom and dad, enjoy communicating with a new family member?
With the birth of the second child, the picture of the world familiar to him collapses for the first-born. Over the years, he got used to the fact that all the attention of his parents was directed to him. If he is not explained and shown that mom and dad still love him, he may begin to fight for their attention. Such a struggle can be both conscious and unconscious, and the result is from behavioral problems to stuttering and persistent illness. But all this can be prevented.
What do older children want for their mother to know?
1. I want to be sure that you still love me.
You know that you still love your firstborn. “How could it be otherwise ?!” – you might think. The child needs you to constantly show him your love, talk about it. He needs to make sure that he does not become “superfluous” in this family.
2. I really miss you, mom!
A child does not have to be far from her to miss mom. You are there, but the firstborn misses your attention, joint games, conversations and hugs. Yes, you are busy with a newborn, but you need to find time to communicate with an older one. He really needs it!
3. I need a little time when we will be just the two of you.
Yes, it is necessary to devote time to an older child not only during troubles with a younger one. It is very important to find an opportunity to be alone with the firstborn. It will be good to play together or go somewhere, but so that all your attention is given to the older child, without being distracted by the little one. At this time, let dad or grandmother sit with the baby.
4. Mom, why are you often excited? It scares me!
With the birth of your second child, you have more trouble: again diapers, feeding, colic, sleepless nights. At this time, it is difficult to look happy and serene. More often than not, a woman is tired, anxious and even agitated because of all this. “Why is mom like that?” – all this can disturb the older child. The best way out is to talk to your firstborn, tell how you feel. Say that all these difficulties are temporary, that it was the same when he was a baby himself.
5. Mom, I’m still your little girl (boy)!
If you have a second child, this does not mean that the older one immediately became an adult. Unfortunately, many mothers begin to perceive this situation in this way. Of course, he is older than the one who is not yet a month old, but he is the same child. There is no need to make him a nanny, hang up a lot of new responsibilities and thereby deprive him of his childhood.
6. Praise me, Mom!
Praise your older child as often as possible. And for the fact that he at least somehow communicates with the younger one (lifted the nipple, played, rolled the stroller), and for the fact that he himself already knows a lot: he eats, dresses, ties shoelaces, etc. More attention and affection – less criticism.
7. Sometimes I feel unnecessary.
For a child, the worst punishment is when he is deprived of parental love and affection. Especially if he used to receive them with interest. Show your firstborn how much you love him, appreciate his help.
8. Mom, let me hug the baby more!
Allow the older child to hug and kiss their newborn brother or sister. In no case should you drive the firstborn away from the baby and forbid touching him. Tactile contact will help them get closer, the elder will get used to a new family member faster, and will not consider him as his rival.
9. I thought it would be fun with my little brother (sister), but it turned out not to be so …
Very often, while waiting for the appearance of a younger brother or sister, a child hopes to immediately get a friend who will play with him. As a result, he sees a screaming lump, which is scary to approach … It is important that the parents explain to the elder in advance what the baby will be like at first. Tell the first-born about how the newborn grows and develops, tell him that he was the same when he was just born, but now he is already so big and smart.
10. I do my best to be the perfect older sister (brother).
Notice how your firstborn is trying to take care of the baby. Although it often turns out crooked and askew, he really tries to show his love. And this should be appreciated. Pay attention with what eyes the elder looks at the newborn – this is just an amazing older sister (brother)!
Jealousy between children in a family is absolutely natural. But the extent to which it manifests itself depends solely on the parents. Indeed, for them, children are often mentally united into one whole. And among children, there is a struggle for parental love. They will “fight” for it, and we need to give them such an opportunity, this is normal.
It is also normal that they need to learn to love each other. You will not extinguish a conflict that has flared up. But then, by all means, you need to discuss the situation with them together, and with each separately. And be sure to make it clear to the children that each of them is special. Trying to be like a little one is also an element of jealousy. Of course, you need to pay attention to this, but in no case should you follow the lead. As a last resort, you can play the game “you baby”: swing on the arms, wrap it in a blanket, and crawl. But it should be just a game – we started, we finished.
The variant when gifts are made “from the younger” has become very popular. A baby and a toy for an older child are brought from the hospital. This is not a bad idea, but you need to be careful with it, because there is a risk of awakening self-interest in the child.