Wants and desires can conflict with each other. In this case, it is better to follow your desires, and not desires (emotions), and subordinate your desires to your desires.
Consider an example. A certain man walks and sees an exceptionally attractive woman. He begins the process of excitement (in every sense) — and a need arises. Next, desire wakes up: “I want her!”. So far, everything seems to be ok. It’s a matter of desire. If everything matches, then he will begin to implement the plan to «sleep with this woman.»
Now imagine that his desire is a happy marriage with his wife. And mismatch begins — the body wants sex with this particular woman, and the head says — «it’s impossible.»
Exit number one — you can score on desire and have sex. In this case, the desire will be forced to adapt to the needs and desires. That is, a man will begin to avoid his former desire — a happy marriage. Here it is appropriate to note that many men, according to their stories, immediately (that is, right away, right there) after sex on the side, the thought arises: “What the hell?”. And pleasure — zero.
The second way is not better. You can subordinate the body to the brain, and refuse to have sex with this woman. Then the body obeys the head and there is a rejection of sex in general. Because at the level of needs there is inhibition, at the level of emotions — disgust. As a result, sex in this marriage becomes paler, duller and sadder. The ending is pretty predictable.
Are there better options? You need, firstly, to follow your desires, and secondly, to redirect your needs and emotions. Say to yourself: «Yes, I’m excited.» Say to yourself: “Yes, I want a woman” (mind you, not this particular one, but just a woman). And bring yourself so excited and charged with attraction to your wife.
And then the whole triad of «needs-desires-wants» works in one direction and — which is again the most important thing — makes a person happier. Unlike the other two outputs given earlier.
Why?
A reasonable question may arise: “Why is it better to resubordinate need and want to desire”? The fact is, the first ones arise faster. The need matures for several hours, or even less. Here, let’s say, you drank two liters of beer — when you want, sorry for the frankness, relieve yourself? Very, very soon.
Desire arises even faster. Here a woman walks past the store, sees a handbag and — “Oh, how lovely!”. Everything, the bag is bought. In men, everything proceeds in the same way, only about something else.
But the desire matures for a long time, sometimes for years. Accordingly, if we introduce a certain conditional weight coefficient, then the desire turns out to be tritely heavier than the need and desire. Desire has higher inertia and it is much harder to deploy it. Therefore, it is proposed to unfold the need and want.