Many of us want «everything at once.» Starting a meal, start with your favorite cake. Do the things you love first and leave the unpleasant things for later. It seems to be a completely normal human desire. Yet such an approach can harm us, says psychiatrist Scott Peck.
One day, a client came to see psychiatrist Scott Peck. The session was dedicated to procrastination. After asking a series of perfectly logical questions to find the root of the problem, Peck suddenly asked if the woman liked cakes. She answered in the affirmative. Then Peck asked how she usually eats them.
She replied that she eats the most delicious first: the top layer of cream. The psychiatrist’s question and the client’s answers perfectly illustrated her attitude to work. It turned out that at first she always performed her favorite duties and only then she could hardly force herself to do the most boring and monotonous work.
The psychiatrist suggested that she change her approach: at the beginning of each working day, spend the first hour on unloved tasks, because an hour of torment, and then 7-8 hours of pleasure, is better than an hour of pleasure and 7-8 hours of suffering. After trying the delayed gratification approach in practice, she was finally able to get rid of procrastination.
After all, waiting for a reward is gratifying in itself — so why not extend it?
What’s the point? It is about “planning” pain and pleasure: first swallowing the bitter pill so that the sweet one seems even sweeter. Of course, you should not hope that this pie allegory will make you change overnight. But to understand how things are, is quite. And try to start with difficult and unloved things in order to be more happy with what follows. After all, waiting for a reward is gratifying in itself — so why not extend it?
Most likely, most will agree that this is logical, but is unlikely to change anything. Peck has an explanation for this too: “I can’t prove it from a scientific point of view yet, I don’t have experimental data, and yet education plays a key role.”
For the vast majority of children, parents serve as guidelines for how to live, which means that if a parent seeks to avoid unpleasant tasks and go straight to loved ones, the child will follow this pattern of behavior. If your life is a mess, most likely your parents lived or live in much the same way. Of course, you can’t put all the blame solely on them: some of us choose our own path and do everything in defiance of mom and dad. But these exceptions only prove the rule.
In addition, it all depends on the specific situation. So, many people prefer to work hard and get a higher education, even if they really don’t want to study, in order to earn more and, in general, live better. However, few people decide to continue their studies — for example, to get a degree. Many put up with physical discomfort and even pain during training, but not everyone is ready to endure the mental discomfort that is inevitable when working with a psychotherapist.
Many agree to go to work every day because they have to somehow earn a living, but few strive to go further, do more, come up with something of their own. Many make an effort to get to know a person better and find a potential sexual partner in his person, but to really invest in a relationship … no, it’s too difficult.
But, if we assume that such an approach is normal and natural for human nature, why do some put off getting pleasure, while others want everything at once? Perhaps the latter simply do not understand what results this can lead to? Or do they try to put off the reward, but they lack the endurance to finish what they started? Or do they look around at others and act “like everyone else”? Or does it just happen out of habit?
Probably, the answers for each individual will be different. It seems to many that the game is simply not worth the candle: you need to make so much effort to change something in yourself — but for what? The answer is simple: to enjoy life more and longer. To enjoy every day.