The ego is notorious: in our dictionary of synonyms, this concept follows a comma after arrogance, arrogance, selfishness and other not very attractive traits. No wonder we want to destroy this enemy. But the problem is not at all in the ego, but in our distorted, illusory ideas about ourselves.
Psychologists are sure that if we did not have an ego, we would not be considered mentally and mentally complete. Without this intermediary between the conscious and the unconscious, nowhere. You can make him your ally or you can make him your enemy. The ego makes us suffer, but it can also protect us from suffering in the future. However, don’t forget that it…
The Greatest Deceiver
According to psychotherapist Yoav Dattilo, «The ego is the worst cheat imaginable.» The ego is insidious: most of us are not even aware of its existence, while being completely and completely in its power.
Its cunning is also in the fact that it acts like a magnifying glass, making both our advantages and disadvantages appear brighter. It turns out a certain «exaggerated» version of ourselves, and it may seem attractive to us. That’s why we often give in so easily to the power of the ego without offering the slightest resistance. It hides where we would never look for, hiding under the mask of our thoughts and emotions.
The paradox of a painfully inflated ego: it seems to give us confidence, but in reality it only hurts
When we want to be considered the best boss in the world, the most beloved mother, the witty friend, the most outstanding writer, strive to become the very best in something, this means that the ego has taken over. In an effort to ensure that our illusory twin was happy, we not only set unattainable goals, but also harm ourselves and others. And if someone criticizes this fake image, we take it too close to heart: it seems that our whole personality is threatened.
“Why is this happening to me? Yes, anyone would like to be with me! Why did he answer me like that? Nobody listens to me!” We are self-absorbed. Just «me», «me» and «me». We think the world revolves around us. We look at everything that happens through this self-centered filter.
The paradox of a painfully inflated ego: it seems to give us confidence, but in reality it only hurts. When we compare ourselves to others, we begin to doubt ourselves. Ambition eventually turns into disappointment.
The birth of the ego
According to the American psychotherapist Mark Epstein, “the ego is a way of organizing oneself, it comes from the intellect when the mind becomes clear.” We exist, which means that our ego also exists.
The French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan introduced the concept of the «mirror stage», describing in detail how the child begins to recognize himself in the mirror and at the same time realize his autonomy. Our ego is born out of fear and isolation. It shapes our identity and separates us from those around us.
Self-centered people are constantly at war with the world — they are trying to protect their fragile illusion.
The ego blinds us and causes us to blind others. We believe that our idea of the world is the world, and we try to convince others of this. We want them to see things through our eyes.
Our ego loves permanence and security. It feeds our illusory self-image, and it gives us a sense of satisfaction. If someone questions the reality of this image, we automatically perceive it as an attack, and such a person immediately becomes an enemy. This is why self-centered people are constantly at war with the world — they are trying to protect their fragile illusion. In which, by the way, no one except themselves believes.
Be yourself
So, the ego occupies our thoughts, controls our emotions and memories — both bad and good. The problem, however, is not in itself, but in what role it plays. Hand in hand with the desire to be richer, smarter, better, prettier, and stronger than others is fatigue and self-doubt.
A common truth, which does not become less true from this: you should not look back at others — you have to be yourself. But, as Stephen Fry noted, “we become ourselves only when no one is looking at us.” We want to be forever in the illusion of who we are, but life has a way of changing. And we ourselves are changing.
And yet, despite everything said before, the ego should not be considered the source of all our troubles. We need a healthy ego. So, you need to get rid of not him, but from illusions about yourself.
Source: Medium.