Attachment theory, which ten years ago in Russia was not even mentioned in the training programs in psychology, today has become quite popular. On the one hand, this pleases, on the other hand, it causes anxiety, since any theory is simplified and distorted in mass perception, sometimes beyond recognition. An excellent choice for those who want to get acquainted with this concept is the book What is Attachment by psychology professor Jean Mercer.
Everything is explained by affection, miracles are expected from it, it is used in family wars around children and in ideological polemics. Therefore, I am very glad that the book “What is attachment” by psychology professor Jean Mercer has been published in Russian: it is calm, even a bit dry, detailed and emphatically based on a scientific way of thinking.
Perhaps, for a person who is well acquainted with the theory of attachment, the book does not contain bright insights and completely new facts and ideas, but it helps a lot to sort out confused ideas, “sort it into pieces” and build connections. If someone is just getting acquainted with the theory, this is a great choice. It is written quite simply, clearly, with many examples.
At the same time, the book is not only about theory: most of the text is devoted to practice, analysis of situations in which adults, if they are familiar with the theory of attachment, can behave with children much more carefully and reasonably, not hurt them unnecessarily and not create them and problems for the future.
Attachment theory helps you «see» what’s going on and act not from a state of desperation, but from a position of caring.
A child goes to a nursery, ends up in a hospital, experiences a divorce of his parents, is simply naughty or angry: all this is the usual life of ordinary families, adults need to cope with this and help the child cope. Attachment theory helps you «see» what’s going on and act not from a state of despair, panic, or anger, but from a position of care and protection.
Jean Mercer gives an example of a psychotherapist working with a mother using videotape: “… Mrs. V. considered her three-year-old son to be angry and in control. The video captured a moment showing how much he does not want to leave his mother. However, she usually interpreted his behavior as «wanting everything to be his way… an expression of his anger.»
After watching the video with the therapist, the woman finally understood: “He seems to be scared… Oh my God! At that moment, he was afraid, he thought that I would leave and not return. Such an understanding is worth a lot. Of course, I was especially interested in everything that Mercer writes about foster children, and there is a lot of such material in the book.
Something caused disagreement (like the statement that up to 8 months the child is not traumatized by separation from loved ones), but much responded. For example, the idea that the task of adoptive parents is to rebuild the working model of attachment to a more positive one, to help a child who has experienced the experience of loss of a family and abuse, learn to trust people and turn to them for comfort. And that’s why training and support for adoptive parents is so important — ordinary experience may not be enough.
Such a conversation about attachment theory without unnecessary emotions and with the preservation of sound criticality is very useful.
It is very important that the author dwells in detail on the so-called “attachment therapy” – probably, many Russians have heard about it, since the terrible stories associated with this technique were actively presented in response to the outrage caused in society by “Dima Yakovlev’s law”.
In the plots, children were fed spicy sauce as punishment, wrapped in a carpet, held by force, leaning on their whole body. This was presented as a common practice in the families of American adoptive parents, for which no one bears any responsibility.
Meanwhile, the book begins with a description of the trial, as a result of which the «therapists» who killed the child received 16 years in prison. As the author of the book convincingly shows, «attachment therapy» has nothing to do with Bowlby’s theory, as well as with any scientific theory in general, its effectiveness has not been confirmed by any studies, and the harm in many cases is obvious.
Mercer also discusses many common stereotypes associated with attachment theory: breastfeeding, co-sleeping, understanding attachment as solely a relationship between a child and mother, exaggerating the role of blood relationship and «hormones» in shaping attachment, and in general the idea that «correct» attachment can guarantee certain result of education.
The author does not argue with these ideas and does not condemn them, but asks questions: which of these can be considered reliable scientific knowledge? It seems to me that such a conversation about the theory of attachment without unnecessary emotions and with the preservation of sound criticality is very useful.
Prepared by Alla Anufrieva