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The New Year is a great opportunity to start a new life. We develop strategies, we make plans. This creates a sense of control, but does not always work. Psychologist Amy Cuddy explains why some goals are motivating, while others become a burden and bring frustration.
We look forward to the new year with excitement, as if the beginning of a new life. You may even have prepared a list of New Year’s resolutions. However, psychologist Amy Cuddy warns that such promises do more harm than good. According to her, we do not know how to set adequate goals. Our goals are often unattainable. No wonder we don’t reach them. As a result, our anxiety levels rise and our self-esteem falls.
It is necessary to find our “true “I” in order to reduce the stress that prevents us from realizing our full potential. It is better to avoid wrong goals that do not help, but only become an extra burden.
There are 4 common mistakes in making New Year’s resolutions. Let’s take a closer look at each of them.
1.Uncompromising
We make uncompromising statements about what we must do now. This automatically dooms us to failure. «You can’t always exercise three times a week,» says Cuddy. Let’s say you start going to the gym fanatically. But at some point, you’ll be down with the flu for a week. Or you may have to postpone training for a few days for the sake of work or family.
Don’t focus on what you don’t like about yourself
On the other hand, it is useless to set vague, distant goals, such as “I will find a job in the new year.” It is difficult to plan anything here, since little depends on you in this case.
2. Concentration of negatives
We often focus on what we don’t like about ourselves and what we want to change. Thus, we awaken negative emotions in ourselves. Sometimes negative emotions are motivating, but most of the time they are not. The goal of “stop eating junk food” is obviously doomed to failure. It is better to formulate it like this — «I will eat healthy food.» This will keep you motivated and optimistic.
3. Focus on the result instead of the process
If you concentrate on walking 160 kilometers, constantly thinking about it and tracking your progress, you will be demoralized as hell for most of the way. You compare where you are now and where you want to be. As a result of such a comparison, you will constantly feel like a loser.
4. Dependence on external circumstances
Your goals should not depend on other people and the favor of fate. If you want a promotion at work, focus on how you can improve your performance. You can’t target the promotion itself — it depends on a lot of factors you can’t control, including your boss’s thoughts and company reshuffles.
Your goals should not depend on other people or the favor of fate.
Amy Cuddy suggests only «pushing» yourself — constantly setting small goals instead of big ones.
Starting to move towards a new life from January 1 is not bad. The main thing is that the goal inspires you and at the same time does not create too much stress. Last year, Amy Cuddy set herself the goal of “love running.” She did not specify the specific number of kilometers to run, or the desired speed. She just started jogging slowly. At a pace at which she could keep up a conversation and not suffocate.
This became the starting point. Over time, the pace of running increased naturally. And the runner improved her physical shape without self-deprecation.
Source: Business Insider.