The words «frankness» and «truth» in our language have an absolute, indisputably positive meaning. Experience, however, tells us that sometimes it is not worth telling the whole truth and indulging in uncontrolled frankness.
This is not cunning, not falsehood, which a teenager would reproach us without hesitation, but humanity, and simply the rules of a hostel.
In youth, we live on a grand scale and without looking back, not yet knowing that people are imperfect. During the day, more than once, the midget complex is replaced by the Gulliver complex. Unconscious cruelty and anger accumulated in him; ruthless, but fair. He also perceives the feeling of envy and hostility as the voice of truth. And observation at the same time confirms his correctness.
In my youthful company, a tradition of frank conversations arose (in the fourth year of communication). Noble motives, pure words, we are the best. And it turned out to be a nightmare. Relations began to deteriorate, many friendships fell apart, and the planned love unions too.
“Since there is some truth in any “truth-womb”, it brings a lot of grief, and sometimes troubles”
Those who like to cut the truth-womb are found at any age and in any company. Frankness gives them the only opportunity to draw attention to themselves, and at the same time to reckon with those who, in their opinion, climbed higher. Since there is some truth in any “truth-womb”, it brings a lot of grief, and sometimes trouble. But in youth, such frankness is not necessarily dictated by complexes (although not without it). It is sublime, dictated solely by a sense of justice and trust. In addition, often this is true not about another, but about oneself: uncontrolled, weak-hearted confession.
Somehow it is necessary to explain to teenagers (although this is difficult) that the details told in moments of frankness can later be turned against the one who opened up. Not all of your experiences need to be trusted with words. By confessing, we not only show trust in a person, but also burden him with responsibility for his own problems.
The psychological mechanism through which friendly frankness develops into a quarrel and hatred is convincingly shown in Leo Tolstoy’s story «Youth», in the chapter «Friendship with Nekhlyudov». The hero admits that it prevented them from breaking up with a friend when the relationship cooled off: “…we were bound by our strange rule of frankness. Having dispersed, we were too afraid to leave in the power of one another all trusted, shameful for ourselves, moral secrets. However, the gap was already inevitable, and it turned out to be harder than it could have been: “So this is what our rule led to telling each other everything that we felt … We sometimes reached the most shameless confessions in our enthusiasm for frankness, betraying, to our shame , assumption, dream for desire and feeling … «
So don’t be proud of being honest. Words are inexact, the most intimate secrets are inexpressible, and we are vulnerable and changeable. Most often, our words will not help another, but hurt him painfully and, most likely, embitter him. He, like us, has a conscience, it works more accurately, and most importantly, without outside interference.