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Breaking up a relationship is painful for both parties. And if women tend to talk about their feelings and accept help, then men often find themselves hostage to the «boys don’t cry» attitude and hide their emotions. Our heroes agreed to talk about how they survived the breakup.
“We did not part as friends who meet for a cup of coffee and exchange news”
Ilya, 34 years old
It seemed that Katya and I would always be together, no matter what happened. I never imagined that I would ever lose her. It all started with a strong love, I have never experienced anything like this for anyone in my 30 years.
Shortly before our meeting, my mother died, and Katya, by her appearance, helped me to recover a little after the loss. However, very soon I began to understand that, having lost my mother, I was also losing my father. After her death, he began to drink. I was worried, but I could not do anything and showed only aggression and anger.
Things went badly in business. My partner and I had a construction company, we stopped getting contracts. I think not least because I had no energy for anything. Katya tried to talk to me, came up with unexpected trips. She showed miracles of calmness and tolerance. I walked into a dark room and closed the door behind me.
Katya and I have always loved walking around the city, going to nature. But now they continued to do it in complete silence. I hardly spoke or lashed out at her. Any little thing could take away. Never asked for forgiveness. And she became silent in response.
I did not pay attention to the fact that she increasingly stayed overnight with her mother and, under any pretext, spent her free time with her friends. I don’t think she cheated on me. I just now understand that being with me was really unbearable for her.
When she left, I realized that I had a choice: continue to sink to the bottom or start doing something with my life.
When she told me she was leaving, I didn’t even understand at first. It seemed impossible. That’s when I woke up for the first time, begged her not to do this, to give us a second chance. And surprisingly, she agreed. This turned out to be the boost I needed. It was as if I saw life in real colors and realized how much my Katya is dear to me.
We talked a lot, she cried and for the first time in a long time told me about her feelings. And I finally listened to her. I thought that this was the beginning of a new stage — we would get married, we would have a child. I asked her if she wanted a boy or a girl…
But a month later, she very calmly said that we could not be together. Her feelings are gone and she wants to be honest with me. From her look, I realized that she had finally decided everything and it was pointless to talk about it. I didn’t see her again.
We did not part as friends who meet for coffee and tell each other about the news — that would be too painful. When she left, I realized that I had a choice: continue to sink to the bottom or do something with my life. I decided that I needed help. And went to therapy.
I had to unravel a lot of tangles inside myself, and a year later a lot became clearer to me. I finally managed to say goodbye to my mother, I forgave my father. And let Katya go.
Sometimes I am very sorry that I met her, as it seems, at the wrong time. If it happened now, I would behave differently and, perhaps, would not destroy anything. But it’s pointless to live in the fantasies of the past. I also understood this after our parting, paying a high price for this lesson.
“Everything that doesn’t kill makes you stronger” turned out to be not about us
Oleg, 32 years old
Lena and I got married after graduation and soon decided to open our own business — a logistics and construction company. Everything went well, we even expanded our team. It seemed that the problems that happen to spouses working together bypass us — we managed to share work and relationships.
The financial crisis that happened was a test of strength for our family as well. One line of business had to close. Gradually we found ourselves in debt, not calculating our strength. Both were on their nerves, accusations began against each other. I secretly took a loan from my wife. I hoped this would help, but it only confused our affairs even more.
When everything was revealed, Lena was furious. She said it was a betrayal, packed her things and left. I thought that betrayal was her act. We stopped talking, and soon, through friends, I accidentally found out that she had another.
Mutual distrust and resentment will always remain between us. The slightest quarrel — and everything flares up with renewed vigor
Formally, this, of course, could not be called treason — we were not together. But I was very worried, I started drinking. Then I realized — this is not an option. I took myself in hand. We began to meet with Lena — it was necessary to decide on our business. The meetings led to the fact that we tried to restore relations, but after a month it became obvious that this “cup” could not be glued together.
My wife admitted that after the story with the loan she could not trust me. And I didn’t forgive her for how easily she left and began dating someone else. After the last attempt at life together, we finally decided to leave.
It was hard for me for a long time. But understanding helped — we could not live as if nothing had happened after what happened. Mutual distrust and resentment will always remain between us. The slightest quarrel — and everything flares up with renewed vigor. “What does not kill us makes us stronger” — these words were not about us. Still, it is important to protect the relationship and not reach the point of no return.